8 Things You Need To Know This AM

Stephen Colbert doesn't start his new job at the Late Show until September, which leaves him plenty of time to start a Twitter war with Norway and raise money for girls’ education. Just what everyone would do. (Mic)
It’s come to this: Regal Cinemas announced that it will now search customers’ bags “to ensure the safety of our guests an employees,” following a summer that has seen multiple movie theater shootings. No more sneaking in contraband snacks, but it’s better than staying home for fear of a mass shooting. (Vulture)
Greece has had a really rough year — a massive economic crisis with no end in sight, thousands of refugees seeking help on its shores, the prime minister is resigning, and there will be elections in September. (Huffington Post)
Just when you were starting to get over the fear of birds crashing into your flight (remember that plane in the Hudson River?), there’s a new hazard to send you reaching for Xanax at takeoff: small drones. The FAA found more than 70 near collisions in August alone. (Washington Post)
We’ve heard some horror stories from women about Uber, but this one is different. An Uber passenger in Colorado wanted her driver fired — another woman —because she is Muslim and wears a headscarf. Cue the understandable public outrage. (Refinery29)
Just a few years ago, “young person moves to a retirement home” was literally a sitcom premise. In San Francisco today, it’s the new economic reality. (Buzzfeed News)
Disneyland has always had a kind of creepy, uncanny quality to it, but if you’re in the mood for a full on dystopian version of the Magical Kingdom, British artist Banksy has created Dismaland. The “bemusement park” opens to the public this weekend. (Mashable)
The hottest presidential candidate of the moment is Deez Nuts. No, really. The story behind the Iowa Independent is crazier than you could possibly imagine. (The Daily Beast)

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