All I Want For Christmas Is John Early To Play Jake Paul In A Movie

I'm not going to break down the minutia of the drama currently unfolding in and around Team 10, the group of prominent YouTubers helmed by Jake Paul, but just know that it will all be worth it if it results in a biopic starring John Early. On Wednesday afternoon, Jake Paul posted a video on Twitter addressing the recent news that the Martinez twins had left Team 10 after allegations of bullying.
"We're all growing and learning every single day," Paul says in the video, in which he says he never meant to disrespect the twins or make them feel uncomfortable. "If I ever knew the twins felt that way I would have resolved the situation, but it's an opportunity for me to learn to be a better leader."
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The video was retweeted over 3,000 times, catching the eye of one Chelsea Peretti, who came up with an idea that literally made me yelp in my chair.
First, she expressed what we're all feeling, retweeting the video and adding "AHAHAHAHAA IMAGINE U WERE AN ALIEN WATCHING THIS BEFORE COMING TO EARTH. U WUD TURN UR SHIP AROUND." But then, she wrote this:
"ALSO WUD LIKE TO MOUSSE UP @bejohnce HAIR TIL ITS CRISPY AND COACH HIM ON THIS MONOLOGUE FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK, THEN PUT IT ON TAPE AND SUBMIT IT TO MYSELF THEN HIRE HIM FOR THE JAKE PAUL BIO PIC I WILL BE DIRECTING"
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES, yes, yes. Watching the video back, I truly cannot think of anything more delightful than the Search Party star assuming the character of a betrayed YouTuber. Just picture this:
With a dash of this:
And a whole bunch of hair gel. With Peretti at the wheel, there's literally no way this could be a bad idea, and luckily, Early is on board:
"SEE YOU ON SET," he replied.
I get that this was a joke but once you've started something you have to finish it so I expect this movie hit theaters by the end of 2017.
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