Blazin' Buffalo Explosion Doritos Are Here & We Have Some Important Questions

The Doritos brand has once again proven that you can never quite predict what spicy, cheese-dusted chip to expect next. Blazin' Buffalo Explosion, for the uninitiated, is just the most recent in a line of Doritos Mix flavors that pairs a classic chip with different shapes and flavors. This time, we have the Blazin' Buffalo and Ranch chip paired with a chipotle-flavored rolled chip, a Cool Range triangle, and a blue cheese curl.
Of the chips, only the Blazin' Buffalo and Ranch started as a stand-alone flavor. A fan favorite, it experience a brief revival in early 2017, only to once again disappear. This time, however, it's returned with some friends in tow. The Cool Ranch flavor is inexplicably shaped like a 3D triangle, though, in person, it's limper and looks a bit like calamari. The blue cheese curl, shaped like fusilli, doesn't have blue cheese's pungent flavor. The Buffalo and ranch chips, while delicious, don't really taste like either ranch or Frank's Red Hot, the distinctive cayenne-based hot sauce that gives Buffalo its distinctive flavoring. Of the four, only the chipotle rolled tortilla tastes distinct from the other chips – and it truly tastes like chipotle. The spiciest of the four, it also has a smokey flavor that you normally don't get in a corn chip.
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Despite all this, the Blazin' Buffalo Explosion is more than the sum of its parts. After a few bites, we had come to terms with the fact that it wasn't really going to taste like a chicken wing or blue cheese dip in a bag. The different textures have an appealing quality, kind of like a trail mix you wouldn't have any real business taking on a trail with you. But, even after being convinced of its deliciousness, we still have some questions:
1. Which flavors were assigned which shape and why? What about Cool Ranch says triangle (or partially-collapsed triangle?). Why is the blue cheese in a curl shape?
2. A real buffalo-flavored chip would be delicious, but would a true blue cheese flavored chip taste good? Are some things better left unknown?
3. What about the mix makes it blazin'? Are we really in danger of an explosion?
4. Are we in more or less danger than we were when you could still buy Doritos Collisions?
5. Is it ever possible to open a bag of Doritos and only eat one?
Questions aside, no matter what weird, mad concoction Doritos comes up with, we are powerless to resist a taste test. It's a Blazin' Buffalo world and we're just living in it.
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