Ranking The Craziest Sex Scenes Of American Gods Season 1

Photo: Courtesy of Starz.
After eight very crazy weeks, American Gods season 1 has come to an end. The new Starz series helped us ignore our Game Of Thrones cravings, and gave us brand new fears. But, the dazzling fantasy drama's freshman year will be best remembered for its groundbreaking sex scenes.
Although most premium cable shows try to show some skin to separate themselves from their broadcast TV brethren, Gods more than pushed the envelope. The Bryan Fuller-created series blew the envelope up and then sent the remains to an orgy. And American Gods kept that trend up for season finale "Come To Jesus."
Advertisement
In celebration of the show's very memorable sex scenes, we've compiled every one you've seen in season 1 and ranked them, from least exciting to most titillating. Scroll through the gallery to find out which love scene comes out on top. And then grab a cold shower before the already-promised season 2.
Read These Stories Next:
1 of 7
Photo: Courtesy of Starz.
Laura (Emily Browning) And Robbie (Dane Cook) Throughout "Git Gone"

It’s 2017 and no one needs to think about Dane Cook having sex any more. Not only do these sex scenes star the poster boy for bro comedy, they’re also pretty darn adulterous. Who can enjoy anything when you know these scenes would break the heart of American Gods’ skeptical hero, Laura’s husband Shadow Moon (Ricky Whittle)?

Still, the one bright spot here is that a very depressed Laura does get some personal pleasure through implied oral sex. Especially since Cook has spent entire segments of his old stand-up specials explaining how he gets out of going down on women.
2 of 7
Photo: Courtesy of Starz.
Essie MacGowan (Browning) Throughout "A Prayer For Mad Sweeney"

In the pantheon of American Gods sex scenes, all of Essie’s — with her first love, her first husband, and her second husband — are pretty vanilla. That would be nothing to complain about, but the former's two love scenes have a huge hand in the young woman eventually getting arrested.

In the first instance, the rich young man Essie sleeps with gives her a family heirloom and promises to propose to her when he comes home from university. Instead, his mom finds out about the jewelry, demands her son says Essie stole it, and sends the servant to prison, where she’s convicted of thievery. In the second instance, Essie runs away from her sentencing as an indentured servant in America by falling in love with her ship’s captain. But, already branded a criminal, she decides to live as one and steals all of her husband’s valuables. Soon enough, she’s back in front of a judge for stealing and skipping out on transportation.

A love story, this is not.
3 of 7
Laura And Shadow Moon (Ricky Whittle) Throughout "Git Gone"

Again, this is all pretty vanilla — but at least no one’s cheating on anyone!
4 of 7
Bilquis’ (Yetide Badaki) Sex Montage In "Secret of Spoons"

In terms of television sex scenes, a montage of a Black woman sleeping with men and women and then swallowing her lovers whole with her vagina is pretty revolutionary. But in terms of American Gods, there’s a reason this is Bilquis’ less exciting sex scene.

The love goddess’ mind-blowing first love scene is the one you want to open with. And, speaking of that…
5 of 7
Bilquis’ Eating A Man With Her Vagina In "The Bone Orchard"

If you told anyone to watch American Gods after the premiere episode, "The Bone Orchard," it was so they could see the craziest sex scene of the year, up to that point.

In the Starz drama’s debut we know absolutely nothing about sex goddess Bilquis, who is also the Queen of Sheba. She starts the episode out on a date with a very, very earnest man (Joel Murray AKA Mad Men’s most depressing alcoholic, Freddy Rumsen), who couldn’t be happier to be on a date with a woman as beautiful as Bilquis. The deity seems shy about his adoration, until they get to her bedroom. "I’m not what I once was," she admits, hinting she’s trying to make a comeback.

"Do something for me," Bilquis requests in the middle of sex. "Worship me... With your words. With your body. Worship me. Pray to me like I’m your god. Your goddess." Soon enough, the poorly-named Paunch has black eyes and is broadcasting Bilquis’ most ancient prayers. As the man is chanting Bilquis’ praises, he’s being sucked into her vagina, getting tinier and tinier by the second.

When everything’s said and done, Paunch has disappeared into his lover and Bilquis looks at least 10 years younger. We told you sex is good for you.
6 of 7
Salim (Omid Abtahi) And The Jinn (Mousa Kraish) In "Head Full Of Snow"

This was the gay sex scene of the year to launch 1,000,000 headlines. We get to the "Head Full of Snow" moment after a closeted Salim shares a tender, but chaste, touch with the Jinn in his New York City cab. Then, the Omani businessman invites his cab driver — whom he knows is a supernatural deity — to his motel room.

That’s how we arrive at the most eye-popping full frontal moment of 2017 TV so far. The sex scene would be noteworthy enough for freeing the penis(es) so explicitly, but the ending is what actually makes it so unforgettable. As the men have sex, they’re magically transported to a Middle Eastern dessert as their bodies turn the color of obsidian. The Jinn’s insides, which are literally on fire, are the only things that aren’t black. When the Jinn comes, his flames fill Salim’s body, eventually coming out of his mouth and eyes.

Somehow, the intense visuals come off sexy, but still romantic.
7 of 7
Bilquis’ Finale Orgy In "Come To Jesus"

What could be crazier than a woman-and-man swallowing vagina and sex so good it transports people thousands of miles away? An orgy that includes people turning into vagina-bound black goo and man whose head turns into a skin crown. Yes, a skin crown.

The sex scene begins with a traditional undulating ancient orgy in the Temple Of Bar’an. It’s 864 B.C.E. and everyone’s naked and swaying and excited to see their sex goddess, Bilquis. The gorgeous golden raiments we got a look at in "Secret Of Spoons" are back, and the deity is rocking them with a Nefertiti-style Afro. While Bilquis is enjoying the sight of her cool nude dance party, a jealous king hops out of the crowd to "knock her off her throne." This particular king has a faulty plan, as he grows a painful-looking intricate skin crown and crawls over the crowd to Bilquis.

The mystery king strips, kisses the goddess, and they start having sex. Apparently, this guy didn’t do his conquering research, because the moment he finishes, his entire body turns turns to black goo. Then, every member of the orgy’s body also turns into a swelling pool of black goo. The entire river of goo slithers towards Bilquis and enters her "vagina nebula," as Technical Boy puts it later in the episode. "When the queen was done with you, you were gone," Mr. Nancy (Orlando Jones) explains in voiceover. "Worst ways to go."

Bilquis is not the kind of woman you can toss off her throne so easily.
Advertisement