Remember those "Don’t Text and Drive" campaigns that show texting teenagers getting into horrific car crashes? Well, they worked for me. I wasn’t deterred from texting because of the possibility of sudden death. What horrified me was what my friends and family might see on my home screen after I perished. How mortifying would it be to have my loved ones know that the last thing I did was engage in a naughty conversation, or send nudes to somebody I met on Tinder. The thought of it makes me cringe. I was sure that this had to be the most embarrassing circumstance under which to die. Last night’s episode of American Gods proved me wrong.
In the fourth episode of television’s weirdest new drama, we get to know more about the life and death of Shadow Moon’s late wife, Laura. If you’ve been watching the show since its premiere, you know that Laura was having an affair with Robbie — her best friend’s husband, and Shadow’s employer — while Shadow was imprisoned. You also know that she died and has been mysteriously resurrected. And while we knew that Laura died in a car crash and with Robbie’s “cock in her mouth” thanks to Audrey’s…candor…we got a much clearer picture of exactly how it went down last night.
Laura was trying to break things off with Robbie as they drove in the night. Shadow was due to be released in five days and Robbie was catching some serious feelings. Rather than cut Robbie off cold turkey, Laura was more than willing to offer him one last token of gratitude for being “sweet” to her during Shadow’s incarceration: a blow job while Robbie's behind the wheel. Because the front seats of cars weren’t actually made for oral sex, Laura accidentally shifts gears, making it impossible for Robbie to avoid the oncoming truck they made impact with.
Normally when you die, there is solace in the fact that you aren’t around to experience any embarrassment about whatever it was that you were doing beforehand. Obviously, this isn’t the case for Laura, who has risen from the dead, kind of. When she and her zombified corpse run into best friend Audrey, Laura has to face the humiliation of her final act, and the logistics. For example, when the car crashed she bit Robbie’s dick off. So first responders found her with a male extremity in her mouth. Surprisingly, American Gods left this visual out. But still...awkward.
Suddenly, the idea of my mom finding a dick pic on my phone after I’m deceased doesn’t seem so bad.