If we had known in previous seasons of The Bachelorette that our heroine was in fact engaged to one of the contestants before the premiere, perhaps it would have been a spoiler. That is not the case with Rachel Lindsay.
After seeing the latest promos trying to whip us into a frenzy before Monday night, our biggest emotion is ... confusion. As in, how can one of these men eventually deserve this Bachelorette's heart?
We've already examined the ways in which the Bachelorette contestants' online bios wouldn't exactly have us swooning at an online dating profile. Then, ABC's promo department introduced us to Lucas, whose profession is "Whaboom." Worst profession since "Twin."
Upon meeting this clown, Lindsay appears to be trying very hard to keep an open mind. In another promo, in which she sits down with her fellow contestants from last season, she said that was her goal.
How open and vulnerable is she willing to be when she meets Lee Garrett, the man who decided "meninist" was a good term for himself?
Another important question: How many awful legal puns can this lawyer stomach before running away screaming? If we go by this video, the answer is many more than we would. Bachelorette scribes, you have outdone yourselves.
This other montage provides some rather compelling evidence (see what we did there) that the guys, at least, fell hard for Lindsay.
"Rachel is the total package. She's the triple threat: brains, beauty, personality," says one bachelor.
"She's smart. She's successful," says another.
"She's the real deal," says yet another.
And another, "She's funny. She's charismatic. She's beautiful."
Obviously, the promo department isn't in any hurry to show us how Lindsay isn't just settling if she's chosen one of these men. Maybe because it's really some behind-the-scenes producer who finally rescued her from all those cheeseballs.