So You Think You Can Govern: The 100th Day Reunion Special

This first 100 days of the Trump administration has been full of drama, heartbreak, and gravity-defying hairstyles. Rather than weigh in on whatever borderline catfight went down in the White House this week alone, I’m going to take a reflective look back on the entire term so far. It's like the reunion episode for season 1 of The Real White Housewives of Destroying the Country — and I'm your Andy Cohen.
Ahead, we’ve imagined viewer questions about the biggest events of this first hundred days of So You Think You Can Govern. Let’s get into it.
Time In The White House Is Way Under Par
Kayla from Sarasota writes: “Donald spends so much time vacationing at Mar-a-Lago or playing golf. Does he even really want to be president?”
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In his first 100 days of serving as President of the United States, Donald Trump has spent more than a quarter of his time at his Florida resort, Mar-a-Lago. That would be like if Dorinda spent a whole season of RHONY at her home in the Berkshires when what she really should be doing is drunkenly yelling at Ramona at the Regency at 3 a.m. Trump been at Mar-a-Lago so much that there was actually a newspaper article when he would not be there one weekend.
At his Florida resort, Trump has done everything from accidentally display classified information to dine with the Chinese president Xi Jinping and discuss the bombing of Syria, over a beautiful piece of chocolate cake. Mar-a-Lago is basically the Bachelor fantasy suite, because in there pretty much everything gets fucked.
Being away from Washington is one issue. Being on the golf course rather than in office is a whole other issue, and one Trump took pretty seriously when President Obama hit the links during his term. But the expense of Trump and his family traveling to Mar-a-Lago so frequently is perhaps the biggest deal here. His 13 trips south since January have cost taxpayers an estimated $25 million. The website IsTrumpAtMarALago.org not only tracks whether the president is donning his ill-fitting khakis and white polo or not, but also provides a comparison for what kind of public services could be funded with the money being spent on his security, travel, and other costs associated with going there.
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Trump is currently on track to surpass Obama’s travel spending over his eight years in office within just one year, calling up ethics concerns on top of everything else. It’s fine if a Real Housewife uses her fame to launch a line of handbags that conceal bottles of wine, but it’s not fine for the President of the United States to abuse his position to make even more money off of his Florida resort. And what is all this R&R in the Sunshine State but free advertising?
So does he want to be president? Well, we do know it’s turned out to be a harder job than he expected.
The Day The TrumpCare Died
Jenny from Yonkers asks: “Paul seemed so determined to take down Obamacare from day one. But it totally backfired and everyone turned against him. What went wrong?”
Paul Ryan has been obsessed with taking down Obamacare the way Dorit has been trying to take down Erika all season. And much like Dorit, Ryan's trying to ruin something that people actually like: affordable healthcare options.
But as Ryan pushed his AHCA on everyone, Trump learned that health care is actually very complicated. Who would have thought?! Health care is not only complicated, it’s expensive. It can costs the average American many iPhones according to Rep. Jason Chaffetz (who, BTW, is spending zero iPhones having foot surgery because he’s a lucky congressman with great insurance for now).
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Even though Ryan’s brilliant “World’s Greatest Health Care Bill” promised great things like increasing premiums, reducing assistance, enforcing penalties for going off and on insurance, and all in all making health care harder for poor people to get, it still failed harder than the first showcase of She by Sheree.
So 100 days in, no new health care bill is even close to passing. There have been several attempts at spinoffs and reboots, but like any housewife who tries to get her own show (save wig queen Kim Zolciak), none of them are sticking.
Back In The U.S...S.R.?
Shannon from Culver City writes: “So wait. What is the deal with Russia?”
As we approach Day 100, Putin is sitting in his room just singing Mariah Carey’s “Why You So Obsessed with Me?” into a hairbrush he hasn’t had to use in years. Russia has been a serious scandal since early in the presidential campaign. It's like the Ramona Singer of Trump scandals: here from the beginning and a total mess (and full of vodka).
And almost everyone in the administration has been touched by Russia and its involvement in the election, or what's come after. Attorney General Jeff Sessions lied under oath about whether he had communicated with the country. Trump’s campaign advisor Roger Stone was also involved with the Ruskies. Former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort has ties to the country. Actually, Russia is more like Tom Dagostino than Ramona — it’s been with pretty much everyone.
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Muslim Ban-anza
Regina from Ann Arbor asks: “What does everyone in this cast have against Muslim families traveling in and out of the United States?”
One of the most insidious actions of Trump in his first hundred days has been the Muslim travel ban. This racist, xenophobic policy was so terrible that it got Americans to do the impossible: drive to the airport.
Thousands of protesters, activists, and lawyers headed to JFK, LAX, and other international airports to fight the ban and protect those who it affected who were detained or barred entry into the United States, even if they lived here. Look, America is a lot like a Kardashian family vacation: It’s at its best when everyone can come.
Everyone hated the executive order, and with good reason. If the ban were a contestant on The Bachelorette it would be the guy who mainlines protein powder and talks down to the rest of the bros. I guess technically that’s most contestants on that show, but we all know who I mean. Luckily judges in California and Oregon and Hawaii understood this concept and struck down the ban in its various forms.
Anyway, this is America. Everyone came here to make friends. And we should let them, regardless of race, religion, sexuality, or if they pop the collar on a dress shirt. All are welcome.
Fighting Words
Joey from Charleston asks: “Why does Donald have so many feuds with others? Nordstrom, the news media, is there anyone he won’t fight with?”
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Getting in a Twitter feud with a department store feels more like a job for Stassi from Vanderpump Rules than the president of United States, and yet, it happened.
Trump got pissed that Nordstrom dropped his daughter/crush/special assistant’s clothing line from its stores, so naturally he took to Twitter and started bashing the retailer in February, only days into his presidency. It backfired, though, because Nordstrom’s sales went up in the weeks following the debacle. What can we say? Great shoe selection.
Trump isn’t stopping at mid-level luxury department stores when it comes to picking fights. The president on Twitter is like any one of the Mob Wives sitting at her kitchen island talking on the phone: Whoever’s on the other end is getting burned. He also has spent a majority of his presidency trying to take down the news media. He went as far as to call it the “enemy of the people.” Many times. Like, so many times. Enough times that if the news media competed on MTV’s The Challenge, its nickname would be “The Enemy.” But the news media isn’t the enemy of the citizens of the United States. Hateful, uninformed, selfish, closed minded politics are.
Well, what a wild hundred days it’s been. I’m used to reunion episodes having more false eyelashes and surprise walkouts, though this one had more drama than I think anyone even wanted. Who knows what will happen next. We can probably expect more lavish trips, petty fights, and hopefully Putin gets kicked off this cast soon. Maybe Trump will brainstorm a new executive order that allows presidents to retire to golf clubs in Florida on their 101st day in office, granting prior contestants a chance to come back in for a second shot.
Tune in for the next season, which starts — in a week. What with online streaming these days, our show runs really can be endless!
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