As a loyal New Girl fan from the very beginning, the news that Schmidt’s real first name would finally be revealed in “San Diego” filled my heart with as much joy as a rousing game of True American. Then, I heard it and felt nothing more than a little disappointment.
The big unveiling of Schmidt's first name goes down in the first 10 minutes of season 6’s penultimate episode when the ad exec slides a nameplate across a desk. The placard reads, "Winston Schmidt." Yes, there have been two Winstons living in the loft the entire time and we had no idea.
The idea is a funny passing thought, but it’s clear not even the New Girl writers were that excited about the "Two Winstons" plan. At the beginning of the FOX sitcom, Schmidt (Max Greenfield) spilling his first name would have been a hilarious A story with some truly meaty jokes. Now it’s the F story behind Nick and Regan’s breakup, Jess’s moping about Nick, Aly’s exhaustion, a "weird ass" shark premise, and Jess's dad’s cans.
The storyline was treated with such little fanfare, Jess (Zooey Deschanel) wasn’t even in the state for it.
The moment sadly pales in comparison to Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer reveal, which was laugh out loud funny back in 1995. But it also doesn’t quite stack up to a similar episode of Teen Wolf this year, when fellow fan favorite character Stiles’ real name, Mieczyslaw, is confirmed to both his friends and the audience for the first time ever.
Due to a series of bizarre teen horror series moments — including the fact that Stiles’s existence has been erased from memory — the disclosure of his name is emotional, memorable, and fulfilling for viewers who had been left wondering for years. It’s no surprise a young boy decided to go by Stiles, instead of the difficult-for-even-family-members-to-say Mieczyslaw. Plus, the true name plays to his rule-breaking character since it sounds a lot like “mischief.”
Schmidt’s big episode doesn’t have the same resonance, especially when you think about one perfect alternative first name: St. Marie, which is his middle name.
The moniker isn’t funny for the obvious and retrograde, “Ha, a guy with a girl’s name!” reason. It’s genius for the character because the Long Island momma’s boy has often complained his mother didn’t treat him like a boy for years of his childhood. Mrs. Schmidt hypothetically going so far as to legally name her Jewish son the very Catholic, feminine “St. Marie” would be the hilarious cherry on top of the strange Oedipal sundae.
St. Marie Schmidt, now there’s a name we can all get behind.