No, Gluing Your Labia Shut Will Not Stop Period Leaks

Can we all just agree that men should have no say in inventing solutions to problems they know nothing about? Unfortunately — thanks to the patriarchy — that's just not how things work. Men often think they can find better solutions to problems they don't understand.

The latest example isn't just infuriating, it's downright ridiculous.

A chiropractor in Kansas has invented a lipstick-like glue that will seal your labia shut during your period, holding all of the blood in until you go to the bathroom, according to a viral Facebook post.

This is not a drill.

It would be similar to when your lips get dry and stick together, an ad for the product reads.

"Have you ever woken up with your lips stuck together?" the ad reads. "It didn’t hurt and it was kind of fun. All you had to do was wet your lips from the inside with saliva and they became unstuck. Mensez feminine lipstick is a natural patented compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the lips down under during the period. Urine instantly unsticks the labia and allows everything to wash out into the toilet, wipe and reapply Mensez lipstick. Clean, Safe, Secure and Done. Coming to a store near you soon."

Anyone who has ever had a period knows that gluing your labia together is not going to work. And if the idea is that the moisture from urine will instantly unstick the glue, why wouldn't the moisture from menstrual blood do the same?

The fact is that we already have effective solutions for "controlling" our periods, and any innovation in the menstruation department should be left to people who, you know, actually menstruate.

Yet, Dan Dopps — the man behind this revolutionary product — seems to think women have failed to come up with a good solution to their period problem.

"Yes, I am a man and you as women should have come up with better solutions than diapers and plugs," he writes. "But you didn't."

Those "diapers and plugs" have served us pretty well for a long, long time. But Dopps seems to be ignoring other innovations in menstrual products, such as menstrual cups and sponges — innovations driven by women.

In case you were hoping this is all a joke, it's not. Sadly, although he has not actually built the product yet, Dopps does have a legitimate patent, Bust reports.

We can take solace in the fact that a product like this would probably never sell. But just in case it does eventually make it to stores, please remember that gluing your labia together is not going to result in a mess-free period. It's just not.