The Bachelor Season 21 Episode 7 Recap

Photo: Courtesy of ABC.
Now that Nick has tearfully expressed his doubts about whether he’ll ever find love on The Bachelor, there’s a somber mood in the women’s hotel room, as indicated by the fact that everyone is wearing 30% less makeup than usual. Chris Harrison finds our mopey hero sulking alone on the sand. Nick says that “a big part” of him feels ready to quit the show.

He returns to their suite and apologizes to the six remaining women for his meltdown. Sending Danielle L. home, someone he’d been very confident in initially, really shook him up, especially given his personal history of making poor relationship decisions on television. But don’t worry, he feels God in this Chili’s tonight — he’s sticking around. He proposes they cancel the night’s scheduled rose ceremony and leave St. Thomas for Bimini instead, swapping out a villa on one beautiful tropical island for another villa on another beautiful tropical island.

Corinne has yet to have any officially mandated solo time with Nick, but it’s Vanessa who lands this week’s first one-on-one date. This infuriates Corinne, who, worse still, feels bloated. She questions Vanessa’s depth, given the way she’s always going on and on about being a special needs teacher. What a monster.

For their date, Vanessa joins Nick on a yacht. “I’ve never been on a boat before,” she says, which, really? Any boat? Ever? Wasn’t she on a catamaran literally last week? They sunbathe and talk about their relationship, but to be perfectly honest, I miss most of the content of this conversation because I am still thinking about the never-been-on-a-boat thing. They snorkel around a shipwreck and make out in the water.

At dinner, she tells him that she’s falling in love with him. Nick walks it back, saying he’s taking things slow and won’t be saying “I love you” to any of the multiple women he’s dating — which is really only something he has to say because Ben goddamn Higgins broke the unspoken Bachelor rule of never saying the L-word to anyone, let alone to two separate people, last season. Vanessa isn’t thrilled to hear this non-response, as you’d imagine.

Also, I recognize that this is almost certainly a result of editing, but it will never stop being weird to me how 95% of all conversations on Bachelor dates are meta-discussions of how the date is going and how nice it is to be with the other person. They never talk about, like, their favorite sandwiches. How could you truly love someone if you don’t know what kind of sandwiches they prefer? What if they don’t even eat sandwiches?

Corinne can’t wait for next week’s hometown dates, when she hopes to introduce Nick to Raquel, her “nanny slash maid” who also happens to be her very best friend. But she’s discouraged when she’s picked alongside Kristina and Raven for a group date on yet another yacht. Though she professes to be “literally the queen of group dates” (I’m not sure if she expects a crown), Corinne looks on in frustration as Nick applies sunscreen to Kristina’s back and thighs, complaining that she feels like a third wheel.

Nick has some news: They’ll be swimming with sharks on this date. (At least they’re not swimming with pigs, which, yes, is a thing that someone once allowed to happen on this show.) The foursome dives in — just snorkels and flippers, no cages or other barriers. A spooked Kristina climbs back on board and Nick comforts her, which needles Corinne even more.

Although Kristina and Corinne dominated this date in terms of pure screentime, Raven reveals with minutes to spare that her dad was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, which led her to drop out of law school. (Did we know Raven had gone to — well, some — law school? Good for you, Raven!) The group-date rose — the only rose Nick will be giving out on dates this week — goes to Raven, making her the first woman who’s officially getting a hometown date. They head out to the beach to dance to a forgettable band whose music is actually near-impossible to dance to, as is Bachelor custom.

Danielle gets the next one-on-one date. She and Nick bike around the island, sampling treats and playing basketball with some local kids who I hope were appropriately compensated for their time and feigned interest. Although she expounds on how “easy” it is to be with Nick, their conversation quickly becomes halting, which may be because they’re both distracted by the woven straw coozies that someone has equipped their beer bottles with.

Over dinner, Danielle tells him how much she cares for him, but he knows that he doesn’t see a future with her — and he tells her so. She sobs a goodbye to her fellow contestants as she retrieves her belongings from her room. (Can’t somebody just bring out her suitcase? Come on.)

Increasingly desperate to lock down a hometown date, Corinne gets dolled up and sneaks over to Nick’s hotel room with phasers set to seduce. “I definitely know how to turn on the sex charm,” she says, which, same. “My heart is gold, but my vageen is platinum,” she says, which, also same.

We’re forced to listen to their uncomfortably moist-sounding moans and groans (what’s the opposite of ASMR? because that’s how I feel) from behind the closed bedroom door, until Nick asks her to slow down, saying this isn’t a good idea. She retreats, hurt.

On Rachel’s one-on-one date, they stroll through the streets of Bimini to what Nick, an expert, describes as a refreshingly non-touristy bar. Rachel has dated white guys before, she says, but she’s never brought one home — but she isn’t worried about how her parents will take it. I can’t decide if Nick and Rachel have amazing chemistry or if Rachel is just so bright, charismatic, and all-around great that it would seem like she had amazing chemistry with a paper bag. (I’m leaning towards the latter explanation.)

Nick stops by the women’s suite to humanely dump Kristina, as much as he likes her, before hometowns. I didn’t see this pre-rose ceremony breakup coming, and neither did she, apparently. “You didn’t give me a fair chance,” she says, and Nick starts to cry. This is legitimately a bummer, for all parties involved. But was there ever any way the producers were going to let Corinne slip through their fingers without first taking us to Miami to meet Raquel?

Here’s the weird thing about watching this episode: It was widely reported earlier today that Rachel has been selected as the next Bachelorette, as will be officially announced on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight, effectively spoiling the end of the series (the mid-season timing of this casting news is a first for the franchise). But needless to say, this is great! Not only is Rachel awesome and deserving, but she’ll be the first black lead on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette — a long-overdue milestone for ABC. And on top that, we can now rest assured that she’ll wind up with someone better than Nick.


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