Love & Hip Hop Episodes 4 & 5 Recap: No Wig Left Behind

I felt personally victimized by my DVR this week when there were huge chunks missing from the Love & Hip Hop saga I've been following. But apparently I missed the memo that VH1 would be airing two episodes of LHH back-to-back. But double the screen time doesn’t mean I have twice as much to write about. Still not over Strawberry-gate, J. Adrienne confronts Sofi Green personally. While she is reassured that Sofi was not trying to sleep with Snoop, J is even more upset that Snoop is acting as a catalyst for Sofi's career while J hasn't been able to take advantage of Snoop's star power. If you thought that a heated confrontation between his girlfriend, Sky, and his wannabe girlfriend, Bianca, would get DJ Drewski to straighten up his act, you missed the memo that he’s corny. In episode 5, he slut-shames Sky and finds himself in the studio with Bianca, whom he can’t keep his hands off. It’s disgusting to watch him desperately audition for the “Creep Squad.” Meanwhile, the leader of the the “Creep Squad,” Rich Dollaz, still yells people’s names out before he speaks to them, like a drunk granddad trying to remember who’s who. In episode 4 he introduces viewers to his new 24-year-old girlfriend Jade. But Jade clashes with his teenage daughter, who is finding it hard to take her dad’s flings seriously. No one blames her. Not even show creator Mona Scott-Young, who had a trick up her sleeve. Rich’s ex-girlfriend Moniece Slaughter pops up at the end of episode 5 up to crash his dinner with bae. Given Moniece’s history on Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood, she is not about to make life any easier for Rich. During a birthday party for one of Mendeecees Sr.’s children (I can't keep up with them to figure out which one), Yandy goes head-to-head with Erika and Samantha. Once again, Yandy wants to talk about how to move the family forward and keep the children they share with Mendeecees Sr. in each other’s lives. Erika and Samantha only want to talk about how they’ve been wronged by Yandy. It’s another one of the never-ending plot devices in the show. And in case you were concerned, Kim is miraculously cured from her completely real, not at all faked for ratings heart attack. Last week, Kimbella fooled us into thinking that she was ready to trust Juelz Santana. She’s not quite there yet. When Kimbella hears that Sofi Green has been bragging about working with Julez on music, Strawberry-gate is all the ammunition Kimbella needs to feel threatened. She sits down with Juelz to let him know how she feels and tries, once again, to give this trust thing a go. But you’ve already fooled us once, Kimbella. We don’t believe you. But in other news: Juelz brought the bandana back, and my 15-year-old self is celebrating. Speaking of my high school days, Dipset founder and lead man Cam’ron made his LHH debut in episode 5, and let’s just say he hasn’t quite aged with the same grace as his friend Juelz. He’s still cute, but in an older uncle way. He even wore an uncle’s button-up for his dinner date. His longtime girlfriend Juju joins him on this season, and she’s ready to have a baby. But pregnancy might interfere with her unannounced visits to whatever city Cam’ron is performing in to make sure that he’s being faithful. The thought of my wig finding its way off of my head in public is my worst nightmare. For my personal lord and savior Cardi B, though, a hair piece is actually just another another weapon to be used against women who disrespect you. In episode 4, Cardi gets a whiff of some shady comments being made about her by Swift’s girlfriend, Asia. Cardi vows to seek justice for the unwarranted snub in a very LHH way, and when she comes face-to-face with Asia, she holds nothing back…including her wig. During the altercation with Asia, Cardi throws the detachable tresses at her new enemy. And just like that, the wig was reinvented. Cardi B is truly ahead of her time.