30+ Thoughts I Had During The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Photo: Dominique Charriau/Getty Images.
Let me just say this right off the bat: I absolutely adore the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, so everything said here is meant with love. Each year I invite a ton of friends over to my house, order enough KFC for a small country, and drink a bottle of Champagne all to myself while watching the Angels strut their stuff. You’ve got to love them for it: Working out for weeks on end (for three hours a day, in the case of first-timer Bella Hadid), getting pricey facials daily in the lead-up, slathering their perfect bodies with baby oil, all for our enjoyment. These beauties take it so seriously, it’s as though God himself put them on Earth to walk around in their knickers. (Get it? God, Angels. Never mind.)

But seriously, no one could do it but them — and we love them for it, abs and all. Sure, haters may say it’s bad body-image vibes, unrealistic standards for women, frying our brains, etc. But I say it’s all in good fun. In the spirit of not taking this magical spectacle too seriously, here are 27 genuine thoughts I had while I watched the show this year. And yes, I do watch said spectacle in the iconic pink silk robe (which you can buy here for a cool $148).
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Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images.
Victoria's Secret x Westworld?
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Photo: Dominique Charriau/Getty Images.
When it's your turn to walk the Victoria's Secret catwalk but there's a cheese plate.
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Photo: Thomas Concordia/Getty Images.
It's like Regina George 4.0: Instead of cutting holes in her shirt, she just cut, like, 90% of it off.
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Photo: Thomas Concordia/Getty Images.
Sorry in advance, but someone's got to say it: How much would it suck to get your period the morning of show day?
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Photo: Thomas Concordia/Getty Images.
Questions: Is there a designated boot lacer-upper? And does he or she have a schedule? Are they a repeat hire? Do they practice in advance for speed, agility, etc.?
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Photo: Thomas Concordia/Getty Images.
Is J.Lo texting her stylist immediately after seeing this, being all “need 1 of these in every color asap thx.”
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Photo: Michael Stewart/Getty Images.
The hills are alive / with the sound of music...
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Photo: Michael Stewart/Getty Images.
Because what Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is complete without the groundbreaking dragon moment?
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Photo: Taylor Hill/Getty Images.
“Shit, guys — we’re one outfit short. Can you get one of the interns to just cut up a bunch of clear trash bags and tape them to the back of a corset?”
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Photo: Samir Hussein/Getty Images.
Josephine Skriver making it rain like the Angels do.
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Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images.
I recently learned Adriana Lima has been walking in the show for 15 years. Fifteen. You know what I’ve been doing for 15 years? Literally nothing besides breathing, eating food — that’s about it.
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Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images.
Because sports.
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Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images.
The smug look of a woman who knows she is carrying Bradley Cooper’s child. Get it, Irina.
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Photo: Francois G. Durand/Getty Images.
Flasher chic!
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Photo: Michael Stewart/Getty Images.
Lady Gaga is (for some reason) dressed as the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, and we are all the way here for it.
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Photo: Michael Stewart/Getty Images.
We wonder if Devon Windsor saw the sheer size of this thing and was just like, Fuuuuccckkkkk.
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Photo: Francois G. Durand/Getty Images.
Sexy bullfighter, anyone?
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Photo: Francois G. Durand/Getty Images.
H-hold up, hold up — we dem BOWS.
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Photo: Michael Stewart/Getty Images.
Ah, yes — a sheer pink, mesh, oversized hoodie. Just what I’ve always wanted and needed.
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Photo: Michael Stewart/Getty Images.
“Okay. How about, like, Coachella x Hansel and Gretel, but then some fuzzy things?"
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Photo: Francois G. Durand/Getty Images.
When they were conceptualizing this look, we bet they were all, “Okay, so here we have the 'cool girl' look. You know, millennials love that relaxed look. They love hats, too. And crossbody bags. You know, cool.”
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Photo: Francois G. Durand/Getty Images.
Several thoughts on this one, actually: How does one get one’s legs into such contraptions? What if said Angel is sweating when it's go time? Can you use PAM on your legs?
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Photo: Samir Hussein/Getty Images.
More flasher chic!
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Photo: Samir Hussein/Getty Images.
You know how you only run into your ex when you didn't plan to? Imagine doing that in front of the entire world. Proud of you, Bella.
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Photo: Francois G. Durand/Getty Images.
Who gets to keep the Fantasy Bra? What does it feel like to wear $3 million on your boobs? Is it weird that I immediately imagine chipping off one of the diamonds to hawk it at a local pawn store?
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Photo: Presley Ann/Getty Images.
Welp, looks like I know what I’ll be wearing to Coachella next year…
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Photo: Victor Virgile/Getty Images.
You know how some moms have bumper stickers that say their kid is an honor student? We wonder if Yolanda has one that says, “I literally have not one but two daughters who are Victoria’s Secret Angels."
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Photo: Dominique Charriau/Getty Images.
Please don’t trip, please don’t trip, please don’t trip…
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Photo: Samir Hussein/WireImage.
That feeling when you tell your family not to show up to the school play and they actually listen to you (for once).
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Photo: Samir Hussein/WireImage.
Because when you're Lady Gaga, you have a designated hat holder as a backup dancer.
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Photo: Francois G. Durand/WireImage.
(This is that robe I was talking about.)
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Photo: Stephane Cardinale/Corbis/ Getty Images.
I always have raging anxiety when the musical guest grabs one of the girls’ hands because it seems like no one knows when to break the seal.
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