30 Reddit Users Share The Dark Secrets They Keep From Everyone

Photographed by Rockie Nolan.
Remaining anonymous on the internet can feel like the ultimate protection. Without any risk of identification, you can share thoughts or secrets that you wouldn't dare say out loud. Last month, we came across an /r/AskReddit thread dedicated to this very idea.

It asked users, "What is something you won't tell your friends or family, but you will tell Reddit?" As expected, users took this opportunity to open up about their most personal issues.

While some are slightly embarrassing and even funny ("I once sat through an entire movie without realizing that I had left my car running in the parking lot."), others are deeply serious ("I am no longer certain of my faith."). Regardless, these confessions reflect what the people who posted them hold dear, and which parts of their lives they wish to keep private.

As much as we can learn about these Reddit users from their deep, dark secrets, we'll never actually know them, but, like we said, that seems to be the point.

Click through to read 30 deep, dark secrets from Reddit. Promise to keep them?
1 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"Me and my wife engage in awesome, intense BDSM at least three times a week. When with friends, we jokingly say that our sex life is almost dead." — PatheticPathologist
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2 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"That I'm gay, because reddit can't kick me out of my house." — ThatGuyFrom_Chicago
3 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"We broke up, because she cheated on me for two months while I was working and trying to save up money to move in with her. It wasn't mutual; I wanted to work through it, and she wanted to run off with him. I tried to kill myself three days after it happened. I'm glad the attempt didn't work. I'm still trying to work through the years of memories I had with her. Needed to get that off my chest, it's been months, and I still haven't told a soul what happened." — Save_The_Tree
4 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm still a virgin at the age of 27, depressed as hell because of it. Family and few closer friends think I'm a charismatic, successful person who has had several relationships behind me. Good looks, positive attitude, great career, sense of style mean nothing if you're a shy, anxious wreck around people you actually like." — ThrowAway25h
5 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I don't...know what to do next... Growing up, the end goal was to graduate high school and get into college. In college, my goal was to graduate and get a job. As an adult, my goal was to save up enough to buy a car and a house. I just accomplished those, and it feels amazing, but last weekend, I was sitting in my new home and thought, What now? I know there are a million possibilities out there, but until I find some sense of direction, I'm now just 'wandering' in life. Or at least that's how I feel. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, but I'm looked at as someone who has their shit together and yet I spend my evenings flipping a coin to decide what to do with my life." — walkingcarpet23
6 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I got voluntarily sterilized years ago. Most of [my friends and family] think I had a problem with a cyst on my fallopian tube (true) but they didn't know that removing them entirely was elective, to remove the cyst AND the chance of pregnancy. Kind of awkward sometimes with the 'You never know!' and 'God works miracles!' talks that their Catholic vantage point tells me (more themselves, really) when I say that I won't be having kids."
abqkat
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7 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm not actually away at grad school hanging out with new friends and students who share the same interests. All those pictures I post on Instagram are faked. Same with stories of people and lunches and nights up studying. I'm an au pair who has zero friends and is so deeply in debt that I couldn't afford grad school if I wanted to. Also have no idea what I want to do for a career in contrast to my family thinking I'm going into academia." — blainezeyy
8 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I made a decent income for a few years doing cam shows whilst studying at university." — Not-A-Real-Subreddit
9 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm terrified of stickers and patterned tape. I don't know why, I don't remember any particular trauma? But they freak me the fuck out. I saw the thumbnail for a video of a guy eating stickers in a dark alley yesterday and I literally almost threw up. This is why I can never work with kids." — insert_title_here
10 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"My religion has been a source of strength and comfort for decades. I am no longer certain of my faith, and it feels like I'm standing on a cracking foundation." — GunnarHamundarson
11 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm slowly losing my mind. It's been a very gradual thing over the better part of two decades, but it has reached a point where it's directly affecting my daily life.

"I remember in my sophomore year of high school, I took my final without a calculator. I finished 10 minutes before anyone else in the class and got 94% on the test. It went downhill from there. Now I struggle to do basic math in my head.

"I used to be an avid reader. I'd rather sit in my room and devour a book than do anything else. Now I can't read books. Anything more than a handful of paragraphs at a time and I cannot focus on it. I'll read a sentence, skip the remainder of the paragraph, read the first sentence of the next one, and wonder what happened in between.

"I used to memorize near everything. I could recite lectures, movies, songs, books word-for-word. The most minute details were right there in my mind. Now, about a third of the time I'm talking to someone, as soon as the conversation is over I have to ask them to 'run it by me again,' because I've already forgotten what we had just talked about. I am aware we had a conversation, just only the vaguest idea what was said.

"It's weird when you can actually feel yourself getting dumber. When you know your mind should be working faster than I is. To be aware that you know the answer, but it's like walking through a pool of jello to get to it, when it previously would be effortless, is both very difficult to accept and very depressing.

"It's a slow progression. It's taken half my life for it to get to this point, and I don't know if it's going to get worse or not. I don't talk about it with family. Years ago, when I was still in school and first noticed it, I tried asking them for help. They told me to stop making excuses for why my grades were beginning to slip, and then stopped paying for my education because I 'clearly wasn't trying hard enough.' I've honestly never forgiven them for that, and it's the main reason why, until my son's birth, I maintained only a very distant relationship with them. I haven't really talked about it with my wife because I'm not even sure how to. I don't want to be a burden on her or my son, but I don't know what to do about it.

"It's just a very strange thing to deal with. The last couple of years, when I've done a lot of introspection and really taken a look at where I am now, have pretty much emptied me of any self-confidence I once had because I can't be certain it's not going to continue to get worse." — FeloniusGecko
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12 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I don't want to play video games anymore. But I feel guilty if I'd quit, because I'd be letting myself down. It's a part of me that I don't want to let go yet." — Rearranger_
13 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I've always had a huge crush on my stepsister and I always will. Even though she's engaged and I've had a happy relationship with my girlfriend of six years, a giant part of me wishes it had ended up a different way." — GokTypo
14 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I love my family. For some reason, I cannot handle saying, 'I love you,' to my parents, even though I really do. It carries some strange kind of weight; I feel like it might expose my emotional weakness... and they raised [me] in a way that allows me to handle the world by myself." — lwlwlwlw
15 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I once sat through an entire movie without realizing that I had left my car running in the parking lot." — BrikkSteele
16 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"In August I was diagnosed with colon cancer that has spread. I had surgery and am doing chemo but the goal is remission, not cure: I am terminal. My friends and family do not want to hear this. What I don't tell them is that I am scared — incredibly scared and need to talk about this. I am having terrible mood swings which could be the drugs. I'm tired of trying to comfort other people about my illness." — Kellianne
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17 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I never intended this to happen, but I'm a 32-year-old in a relationship with a 19-year-old. I've had more dorm sex in the last year than I had when I was actually in college." — defenestrate1123
18 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I play D&D. My parents are still on the 'D&D leads kids to Satan and/or witchcraft' bandwagon and threatened to kick me out when I asked if I could try playing it at home. Although, they only know the NAME of the game, not what it actually looks like, so as long nothing I use for it explicitly says 'Dungeons and Dragons,' they couldn't care less." — mario3585
19 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I would like to think that I'm a kind, decent person, but for some reason, I've lost every single long-term friendship within the last year, because my friends think I'm rude and a liar. I don't know what I did or where I went wrong, I'm just so lonely now and crave some kind of relationship." — Thisisallie
20 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"That I own the website www.usedpantiesforsale.us. I have a great career outside the website but the opportunity came up for the site and I went for it." — usedpantiesforsaleUS
21 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm autistic. My parents believe with enough willpower you can overcome anything. My sister believes only children are autistic and my best friend has been very vocal that she finds autistic people creepy. Only my husband and Reddit know me." — thedollgirl
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22 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm in a relationship with a transgender girl, I also lost my virginity to her and I'm planning on tying the knot eventually. My mom could really care less, I think she knows I'm already pansexual; my dad is a bigot, however..." — DaftRyosuke
23 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I escaped from a group of three boys who wanted to rape me when I was 15. Later, I was actually raped when I was 16. I never told my family at the time because I was dealing with mental health issues and being a really bad/angsty teenager. I just never thought they'd believe me, and also believed it was my fault. I can't see myself telling them now after all these years, but I did tell my current partner. He's the only one who knows." — purrattack
24 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I masturbate and floss at the same time." — PogingPinoy
25 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I enjoy scaring people, and that is among the few things that scares me.

"Silent Hill? Eat it for breakfast. Halloween? Most wonderful time of the year. Bugs and creepy-crawlies? Beautiful things. Snakes? Wonderful noodles of joy, too precious for this world, too pure. Clown Sightings? Shit, that's like a garage band playing 'Wonderwall' to me. FNAF? I've built scarier machines for a science fair.

"I love terror. I love scaring people, and furthermore I love creeping people out. I want people to feel uncomfortable, shaken, invaded, violated, anything that provokes days to weeks of fear. I like pushing them, and pushing them, and pushing them until they start breaking at the seams.

"And I know it's wrong. I know I shouldn't like it. But I do.

"My family, who is intensely [Unitarian Universalist], would hate the idea that my M.O. is making people feel uncomfortable in all spaces, leaving no safe haven for anything and anyone; that nothing is sacred, and that terror is my tool." — Generallynice
26 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"Up until recently, my boyfriend of six years was mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We are currently in couple's therapy and individual therapy." — whyamidrunk
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27 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I don't want to raise my children Jewish. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy my family raised me Jewish and I appreciate the 'individualism' that Judaism encourages...but I just find that following Judaism is just an annoying burden for something I don't necessarily believe in." — Ragnar_Targaryen
28 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I smoke weed for my bipolar [disorder] and depression. A few friends know, but none of my family know I had to jump states to treat my condition legally. I honestly expect disownment the day they find out." — Zerovarner
29 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm tired. Tired of my kids not listening. Tired of my wife's depression and anxiety. Tired of having to clean the house every night. Tired of knowing what I should eat and not doing it. Tired of being overweight. Tired of the loneliness. Tired of shit at work not working. Tired of being worried what other people think about me and my decisions. Tired of staring blankly into the computer screen at night avoiding going to bed. Tired of not being happy.

"I'm just tired." — heyathrowaway1234567
30 of 30
Illustrated by Ivy Liu.
"I'm getting sober and sticking with it this time. I'd rather they just see the changes in me rather than tell them I'm going to change." — matike
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