Just in time for Halloween, we bring you a real-life horror story: An entire family ate a dinner of weed-laced chicken after their straightedge mother mistook her son's cannabutter for vegan butter. It's pretty similar to that dad who ate his kids' weed brownies, except not as funny, far more dramatic, and with a much, much darker ending.
The rightful owner of the cannabutter, known to us only as redditor Dreamblook, naturally took to the marijuana enthusiast subreddit, /r/Trees, for advice and sympathy once he realized what had happened. (Fun fact: the subreddit for actual tree enthusiasts is called /r/MarijuanaEnthusiasts.) His post, titled, "mY ENTIRE FAMILY JUST ATE MY CANNABUTTER WHAT DO i DO??," rapidly became a liveblog that lasted an entire evening.
"I think they are starting to feel it. Still haven't told them anything. I think I am in denial about this whole thing," he wrote in an early update. "My mother just asked me if there was anything wrong with my vegan butter. I decided to tell her it was really old, so they will all just think they have food poisoning or something."
Let's pause here. Dreamblook was probably panicking at this point, but this is a major mistake. If someone is in the middle of a difficult drug experience (with weed or anything else), it can be immensely helpful to talk to them about what they've taken and remind them that what they're feeling is temporary. No one really recommends lying to them. Now, back to the action:
"I think my sister is asleep. My father is in some kind of trance with a giant smile on his face. He doesn't seem to be freaking out. My mother, on the other hand, is going ape shit [sic] and wants to go the hospital...
"Wtf guys, my uncle is barely affected and laughs his ass off every time he looks at me. I think he knows...
"Ok [sic], so my uncle definitely knows. He noticed what it was when he ate it, but he didn't say anything about it for whatever fucking reason intill [sic] after everyone ate it."
Eventually, Dreamblook's uncle told his dad, who was pretty chill about it: "My father keeps trying to get pissed and scold at me, but the weed is preventing him from being mad for more then 30 seconds."
His mother, however, was in a pretty sorry state: "She is greening out at this point and just threw up. I'm hoping that she puked some of the THC out. But it could have already absorbed into her body idk." This would have been an excellent time for Dreamblook to consult our guide to helping someone who's gotten too high (or "greened out," as he put it).
The drama continued in another post, this one on /r/TIFU (which, fittingly, stands for Today I Fucked Up). In short, Dreamblook and his hella-mellow uncle ate the rest of the weed butter and Dreamblook fell asleep. While he was sleeping, his sister called 911, his uncle told the EMTs that she'd taken drugs, so they called the police. The police arrested Dreamblook's uncle, because he had his own weed on him. The mother eventually figured out she'd taken drugs and Dreamblook's parents kicked him out of the house:
"They pretty much just opened the door and told me I was no longer welcome there. I tried to go get my laptop and clothes, but they wouldn't let me take anything...
"So I walked down to the nearest gas station and I have been here for maybe 2 hours or more. I called my friend who will let me stay the night with him, but I have to walk like 5 miles. My uncle is in jail and I don't know for how long, so I cant get in contact with him."
He wrote a disclaimer toward the end of this post: "If you [think] this [is] fake, I don't see any reason to lie about something like this, and if you want to fucking troll/downvote, do whatever you want."
On one hand, we hope his story actually is fake, for the sake of Dreamblook's family, at least. On the other, his ended his post with a very helpful message for anyone who enjoys the occasional edible: "Please let this be a cautionary tail to NEVER have your drugs in the family fridge."
Check out the full post, below.
Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity and would like to remind its readers that marijuana usage continues to be an offense under Federal Law, regardless of state marijuana laws. To learn more, click here.