Amber Rose doesn't do "off days." "I always feel confident," she tells us. "I never allow myself to not feel confident. I wake up and say, I’m going out there. I’m going to kill it today. I look fucking amazing. You talk it into existence."
Whatever her secret is, it's working. The entrepreneur, model, and sex-positivity champion has had a banner year, debuting her VH1 talk show The Amber Rose Show, publishing her book How to Be a Bad Bitch, and launching the Amber Rose SlutWalk — an anti-victim-blaming, anti-slut-shaming event modeled on a 2011 rally inspired by a police officer's recommendation that women "avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized." This year, she's prepping for an even bigger SlutWalk, which will feature on-site HIV testing and counseling, musical and celebrity guests, art installations, and a fashion show.
One of Rose's favorite outcomes of the event is the gratitude she receives for sparking conversations on slut-shaming. "I walk around L.A. and girls just come up to me and they’re like, 'I’m closer with my mom now, I’m closer with my husband now [because of SlutWalk]," she says, "because a lot of their moms didn’t understand them. It’s really cool."
Recently, we sat down with Rose to talk about her approach to sex (be selfish!), stereotypes (stop perpetuating them), and cellulite (don't worry about it).
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What is your definition of feminism?
"Equality. That’s it. Don’t judge me for the same thing that he’s doing. It’s very simple." How are you teaching your son to become a feminist?
"I mean, he has a really cool mom, so I think just growing up with me, he’s just going to know. He’s going to live it every day, so it’s just going to become a lifestyle for him as well."
"Equality. That’s it. Don’t judge me for the same thing that he’s doing. It’s very simple." How are you teaching your son to become a feminist?
"I mean, he has a really cool mom, so I think just growing up with me, he’s just going to know. He’s going to live it every day, so it’s just going to become a lifestyle for him as well."
Why do you think it can still be so difficult for women to claim feminism?
"For years and years and years, society taught them to be a certain way, and being a feminist kind of goes against that, and they’re scared of it. They don’t want to be judged and ridiculed... They’re afraid of what their partner will think. For me, I just don’t give a shit. I mean, you know, I take all the punches, I really do, I take all the criticism, all the punches, but I do it for all of us. Let me take the punches, but in return, help me. That’s all I ask. Fight with me!"
"For years and years and years, society taught them to be a certain way, and being a feminist kind of goes against that, and they’re scared of it. They don’t want to be judged and ridiculed... They’re afraid of what their partner will think. For me, I just don’t give a shit. I mean, you know, I take all the punches, I really do, I take all the criticism, all the punches, but I do it for all of us. Let me take the punches, but in return, help me. That’s all I ask. Fight with me!"
What does sex positivity mean to you?
"Being sex-positive is just not judging people for their sexual preference, not putting labels on anything, not frowning upon sexual acts. It doesn’t ever have to be your thing, but to be so judge-y is just unfair, because everybody gets turned on by different things. [Sex positivity] is not really being judgmental about it."
How does it feel to be a face of sex positivity?
"It means the world to me. Women get the shitty end of the stick if we’re confident in our sexuality, and it really pisses me off. And a lot of women deal with it and they won't step up and help me, which is very frustrating. I think women are afraid of what their boyfriends are going to think. It's unfortunate that you see a lot of celebrity marriages, most of the women kind of have to dim their light and let their man be more successful in order for it to work. I'm not that girl. I'm never going to dim my light for anyone, especially a man."
"Being sex-positive is just not judging people for their sexual preference, not putting labels on anything, not frowning upon sexual acts. It doesn’t ever have to be your thing, but to be so judge-y is just unfair, because everybody gets turned on by different things. [Sex positivity] is not really being judgmental about it."
How does it feel to be a face of sex positivity?
"It means the world to me. Women get the shitty end of the stick if we’re confident in our sexuality, and it really pisses me off. And a lot of women deal with it and they won't step up and help me, which is very frustrating. I think women are afraid of what their boyfriends are going to think. It's unfortunate that you see a lot of celebrity marriages, most of the women kind of have to dim their light and let their man be more successful in order for it to work. I'm not that girl. I'm never going to dim my light for anyone, especially a man."
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Do you think women of color or women whose bodies don't conform to certain beauty standards experience more slut-shaming?
"I think we all do. When it comes to sex, women in general just get completely slut-shamed for having sex in general, which is so weird if you think about it. When I go speak to the colleges, I get a lot of guys in there and they’re just like, 'Amber got a fat ass, I’m gonna go check her out.' But then they come and they really get enlightened because I’m like, ‘Hey guys, can you just think about the act that it took your mom to have you? Your mom was begging for your dad’s sperm. She was on her knees getting facials from your dad. Oh, you got half-brothers and sisters from your mom? Guess what, she was with at least two men. You got more than a couple brothers and sisters from your mom? She was a ho. She’s a ho! Embrace it; we all are.'"
What was your sex ed like?
"I didn’t have it. Not at all. We didn’t even talk about it in school. It’s like, this is the shit that really matters, especially with HIV and AIDS. We should talk about this all the time." You're very open about your sex life — is there anything that would surprise people about it?
"I’m very traditional. Not like, missionary — [but guys] assume that I’m into threesomes and that I’m into kinky things, and I think all those things are really great if that’s what you’re into, it just has never been my thing, just personally... I’m not really that freaky. People think that I've had threesomes. I’ve never had a threesome. I’m a very selfish lover, I like to be with one person and focus on that person. I’m an extreme lover... I don’t like casual sex. I’ve never had anal. And I don’t play with toys. I wouldn’t say I'm lame, but I'm very traditional. I'm very open to talking about it and that's not to say I would never do those things, but I just haven’t yet."
"I think we all do. When it comes to sex, women in general just get completely slut-shamed for having sex in general, which is so weird if you think about it. When I go speak to the colleges, I get a lot of guys in there and they’re just like, 'Amber got a fat ass, I’m gonna go check her out.' But then they come and they really get enlightened because I’m like, ‘Hey guys, can you just think about the act that it took your mom to have you? Your mom was begging for your dad’s sperm. She was on her knees getting facials from your dad. Oh, you got half-brothers and sisters from your mom? Guess what, she was with at least two men. You got more than a couple brothers and sisters from your mom? She was a ho. She’s a ho! Embrace it; we all are.'"
What was your sex ed like?
"I didn’t have it. Not at all. We didn’t even talk about it in school. It’s like, this is the shit that really matters, especially with HIV and AIDS. We should talk about this all the time." You're very open about your sex life — is there anything that would surprise people about it?
"I’m very traditional. Not like, missionary — [but guys] assume that I’m into threesomes and that I’m into kinky things, and I think all those things are really great if that’s what you’re into, it just has never been my thing, just personally... I’m not really that freaky. People think that I've had threesomes. I’ve never had a threesome. I’m a very selfish lover, I like to be with one person and focus on that person. I’m an extreme lover... I don’t like casual sex. I’ve never had anal. And I don’t play with toys. I wouldn’t say I'm lame, but I'm very traditional. I'm very open to talking about it and that's not to say I would never do those things, but I just haven’t yet."
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What’s one thing you wish everyone knew about you?
"I get a lot of shit [like], 'You don’t do enough for women. You always say you're a feminist, but you're not out there with it.' They don’t see how much stuff I do behind the scenes, and the phone calls I make every single day to women who are cyber-bullied, slut-shamed, and even rape victims. I'm not a lawyer, I'm not a professional counselor, but I'm a positive person and I love women, and if I can make them feel better in any way, that’s what I do."
"I get a lot of shit [like], 'You don’t do enough for women. You always say you're a feminist, but you're not out there with it.' They don’t see how much stuff I do behind the scenes, and the phone calls I make every single day to women who are cyber-bullied, slut-shamed, and even rape victims. I'm not a lawyer, I'm not a professional counselor, but I'm a positive person and I love women, and if I can make them feel better in any way, that’s what I do."
What is your best sex advice?
"Stop thinking that guys give a shit about your cellulite or your boobs flopping around. They don’t. Have you ever seen a girl who isn’t that attractive, in the middle of the dance floor, killing it? That’s sexy; apply it in the bedroom as well. Just be more confident in yourself... As women, our weight fluctuates, we all have cellulite, no matter how skinny you are. It just comes with the package of being a woman. Owning who you are — and really not worrying about the guy coming. Don’t worry about him, he’s going to come anyway! Guys come anyway. Worry about yourself — be selfish in bed."
"Stop thinking that guys give a shit about your cellulite or your boobs flopping around. They don’t. Have you ever seen a girl who isn’t that attractive, in the middle of the dance floor, killing it? That’s sexy; apply it in the bedroom as well. Just be more confident in yourself... As women, our weight fluctuates, we all have cellulite, no matter how skinny you are. It just comes with the package of being a woman. Owning who you are — and really not worrying about the guy coming. Don’t worry about him, he’s going to come anyway! Guys come anyway. Worry about yourself — be selfish in bed."
The gap between what we learned in sex ed and what we're learning through sexual experience is big — way too big. So we're helping to connect those dots by talking about the realities of sex, from how it's done to how to make sure it's consensual, safe, healthy, and pleasurable all at once. Check out more here.