8 Things To Tell The Pokémon Go Haters

Pokémon Go, the only reason you're considering going for an after-work walk tonight, is more popular than Tinder. And like every craze before it, there has been backlash. Technophobes wonder if this is further driving us from human contact. Parents fear their kids may walk into telephone poles, too engrossed in a nearby Squirtle to notice. People just waking from 20-year comas ask what's being done to protect the American people from the ever-growing threat of pocket monsters. This is not a list for them — those with actual, if sometimes misguided, worries about the hit app. (Yes, tripping-related injuries are on the rise, apparently.) This is for that one Facebook friend who thinks grown people are wasting their lives on a silly kids' game. The kind of people who think you should put down the Charmander because it isn't dignified or helping you achieve self-actualization. The people you probably should have hidden from your timeline a while ago. These, my dear friends, are what you should tell those haters.

1. Pokémon Go is actually bringing people together. If the non-Pokémon Go players have a bad Tinder date, they go home empty-handed. At least you're going to come out of your chance encounter with a Goldeen.

2. It's not wasting your data (if you play your cards right). Unlike their mobile-shopping habit.

3. Without Pokémon Go, these magical sorts of news reports never would have happened.

The internet needed that.

4. It's helping real animals in animal shelters. For those who don't understand your affection for your newly caught Pikachu.

5. They're just jealous that they'll never be the very best.

But you can.

6. All the cool kids are doing it.

Well, if Justin Bieber isn't your definition of cool, that's fine, but still, someone with millions of dollars in the bank is loving the app when they could be doing just about anything else in the world.

7. Seriously, as an aspiring Pokémon Go master, you have something in common with Chrissy Teigen.

As well as Ellen Degeneres, John Mayer, and Demi Lovato.