This Woman Is The Expert On Celebrity Divorce

Credit: Lou Rocco / Contributor
The deaths of celebrity marriages often tend to come two by two. That’s partially because of one woman, Laura Wasser. TMZ calls her the “Disso Queen,” and she’s the subject of a lengthy profile in Bloomberg Business that breaks down some of the secrets of celebrity divorce.

Wasser is a legal superstar; her client roster includes Angelina Jolie, Maria Shriver, at least three Kardashians, and Stevie Wonder. She got that way because she knows the ins and outs of marriage and its dissolution. Here are six tips from the Disso Queen herself.

Get a Prenup

Wasser says that although her clients, particularly young women, don’t want to enter into a prenup, it’s key to protect yourself in the event that your marriage doesn’t go the way you think it will.

“In New York it’s different, it’s an equitable distribution. [In California] you can sit on the couch and eat bonbons while your husband’s at work, and you’ll still get half of everything,” Wasser says. And if you’re an actor or musician who earns royalties, those future payments are half someone else’s, too. “I mean, love, honor, and obey—OK, fine, whatever,” Wasser Wasser tells Bloomberg. “But the point is the minute you get married in the state of California, every dollar you earn, every page of that novel you write, every painting you paint is communal property. It’s half-owned by your spouse.”

Keep Perspective

Wasser tells the story of a wealthy client that moans about custody of her children for the weekend.

“I’m like, ‘That sounds like every weekend to me,’ ” Wasser tells Bloomberg. “‘Also, you have no job.’"

Another funny story is about a client that wanted to initiate a custody battle because their ex gave the kids meat.

“Vegans, man,” Wasser tells Bloomberg. “I’m sorry, but no judge is going to take away custody because you gave the kid In-N-Out.”

Details Will Leak Out

Although Wasser used to file for divorces on Friday afternoons, the only time to avoid publicity now is just before a holiday weekend. But still, people will find out.

“The turnaround is so fast,” Wasser tells Bloomberg. “I have to tell my clients, ‘OK, the courier is filing it today. OK, he’s in line to file. OK, it’s filed. It will be on TMZ within an hour.’ ”

File At the Same Time As Another Celebrity

Wasser says that she will file multiple divorces at once to mitigate publicity. While you can’t time your own breakup around other people’s, this is helpful should you ever become famous.

“I’ll tell my clients, ‘I have someone else, I can’t say who, but you should really wait and file at the same time.’”

Do Everything In Private

Wasser hires private judges to handle the negotiation of the divorce so when the couple files the process is brief and not public or protracted.

Maybe Just Don’t Get Married

Wasser has two children by two different men but has married neither of them. She did marry earlier in life, but did not have a children.

“Is it a little bit of the cobbler’s son not wearing shoes? Maybe,” Wasser tells Bloomberg. “But I don’t want to get married. I don’t like the idea of entering into that contract.”

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