I’m Giving Up The Kardashians For Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent. For 40 days, I must give up a vice or something that gives me pleasure. In the past, it's been caffeine, meat, or chocolate. This year, it's the Kardashians, the Jenners, and possibly even Kanye. Thanks for making that last one easy, Yeezy. This sacrifice (cough) isn't as simple as stockpiling DVR'd episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians so I can watch them after Easter, or deleting the Kimoji app on my phone. As an entertainment writer, keeping up with the Kardashians and their crew is a job requirement, whether I like it or not. Not a day goes by that I don't check to see what Kim has tweeted, or whom Kylie is Snapchatting. I know way more about Saint and North than I should, and I find myself resizing photos of Khloé so often that I really should just bite the bullet and make her my screensaver. As many of you have pointed out, we write about the Kardashians a lot. No, they don't pay us to. If anything, it's costing me money. I used to have a Kardashian Karma Fund, where I'd make a small donation to charity for every post about Kim or Kourtney I was assigned to write. I had to stop because it was getting too expensive. We write about the Kardashians because articles about them prove to be very popular. The only difference, over the next 40 days, is that I won't be the one writing them. A cynic might accuse me of using my religion to weasel out of covering Kris Jenner. A cynic wouldn't be entirely wrong. So, here are the terms. I can't write or post anything about the Kardashians or Jenners, even for work. Even if Rob and Blac Chyna have a wedding at Kanye's fashion show with Caitlyn officiating. I will unfollow each and every social media account. I will not click on or read stories about the family. I will not use Kimoji, I will not watch KUWTK, I will not listen to Kanye or Tyga, and I will not wonder which Lip Kit Kylie is wearing today. I will not use their apps. I will not engage in Kardashian-related conversations. I will not spend the first 15 minutes of my day in bed scrolling through the Daily Mail online on my phone, wondering if Kim's new Viking braids would suit me. I may, however, contour. Day One starts today. It's already been tricky avoiding certain articles and other bits of Kardashian ephemera in my Facebook news feed. I may have spent one second too many analyzing the Robert Kardashian skunk streak in David Schwimmer's American Crime Story wig. The rest of the evening will be spent repenting and digging into the stack of books that just arrived in the mail today. If anyone needs me, I'll be keeping up with Tolstoy. Wish he came with more emoji, though.