Introducing “Settl,” The Dating App For Women Who Just Want To Get Married

For all the ladies out there who are ready to walk down the aisle and just need a warm body waiting for them at the other end, Saturday Night Live has just introduced a revolutionary new dating app, Settl. It's perfect for women who are willing to spend the rest of their lives with deeply average partners! "There's nothing wrong with the men on Settl," Sasheer Zamata explains. "They're just normal guys with characteristics I am now willing to overlook." Vanessa Bayer testifies, "I already bought my wedding dress, so I just needed a groom. I joined Settl and went on tons of okay dates. That's how I met my Henry! He may drive a smart car, but he's a manager at Petco and even has a 401k." Romantic, right? Were it real, Settl likely wouldn't break any records in the App Store, but the SNL sketch paints an uncomfortably precise picture of marriage as a competition ("We're getting married in April, which is before my sister," Bayer exclaims of her so-so beau) and skewers many women's preoccupation with snagging a hubby before the "old-maid" years begin. Of course, "settling" means different things to different people, and sex therapist Vanessa Marin believes that people are more likely to give new relationships too little time than too much. "We all need different things at different points in our lives," she told us when asked what it means to settle. "You may have some stages in your life where, for whatever reasons, comfort is what you need the most. Just be honest with yourself and don't [lead] your partner on." So, while a romantic prospect's failure to check every box on your "Ideal Partner" list shouldn't be automatic grounds for dismissal, when you find yourself clinging to a relationship that isn't adding to your life, consider it time to move on (according to your emotional schedule — not when your sister's getting hitched).