Jane The Virgin Season 2 Premiere Recap: Is Jane A Virgin?

Oh, Jane the Virgin narrator (Anthony Mendez), I really think I've missed you the most. Sure, I was worried about Jane (Gina Rodriguez) getting Mateo back, but as our sassy omniscient narrator explains in the first few minutes of the season premiere, in telenovelas, you always know that no matter what sort of peril the heroine finds herself in, there's going to be happy ending. So, you knew Mateo was going to be returned to Jane, safe and sound. The only question was how long it would take to get him back. It actually didn't take very long at all. The season 2 premiere picked up nine minutes after the season 1 finale, and the gang realizes only a short while into the episode that baby Mateo has gone MIA — and Sin Rostro's (Bridget Regan) behind it. It surprisingly isn't that difficult to get Jane and Rafael's (Justin Baldoni) baby returned. Still, they're some of the worst minutes of Jane's life. Michael (Brett Dier) finally manages to orchestrate a handoff in a church. He trades a dragonfly pin that's actually a USB drive containing the identities of everyone with whom Sin Rostro has ever dealt for the baby, but that's definitely not the last we're going to hear from Sin Rostro this season. Or her now-permanent associate, Michael's ex-partner and ex-lover Nadine (Azie Tesfai). Still, the underground crime portion of this episode is over in the first act, and it's time to focus on the aftermath of Mateo's traumatic kidnapping. Jane can't forgive herself for being so trusting with Mateo. She so willingly gave him to someone she thought was a nurse, but was really an accomplice of Sin Rostro. The trauma has made her milk dry up, and she's having trouble breast-feeding Mateo. He's not gaining any weight, but she doesn't want to switch to bottle-feeding. On top of that, her father Rogelio (Jaime Camil) retweeted the amber alert the police department put out during the time Mateo was missing. Since he's a celebrity, that led people to look up his daughter, and they found the "Jane the pregnant virgin" site his former stepdaughters made. Once Mateo is found, he starts receiving media attention for being the second coming of Christ, and Jane again makes headlines as Jane the pregnant virgin (now mother). When you're a sleep-deprived new mom who's having trouble breast-feeding, what you really want are tons of religious groups, zealots, and reporters gathered on your lawn. It makes the whole situation less fraught and tense. Ever the problem solver, though, Jane figures out how to get the nuns off her lawn. She tells them that it's all a lie. She's had sex. Lots of sex. The nuns don't believe her, but they also don't want to be outed as liars, so they decide to back off. This is why Jane is the best. She's got the gumption to tell a group of nuns that she's had a TON of sex so that her newborn baby can get the sleep that he needs. Mother of the year right there. I'm serious. Elsewhere, Petra (Yael Grobglas) is plotting, as per usual. It's hard not to empathize with her at times. She's clearly had a rough life, what with having to escape from the Czech Republic after her mother was attacked with acid meant for Petra. Then, she and Rafael broke up (and we learn that they lost a baby) and it's pretty clear she hides her need for love and approval with venom and cruelty. Also, this episode is totally like, #TeamMichael. The dude is a saint. He's probably going to lose his detective job when his boss finds out that Michael willingly traded away Sin Rostro's entire contact list for Mateo, but he did it out of love for Jane. Sorry, Rafael. You can keep your abs of steel (dude whips his shirt off every chance he gets — find a new move already). Michael's got a heart of gold. #family #love #flove