The Gwyneth Paltrow Guide To Yawning

Photo: Courtesy of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Say what you will about Gwyneth Paltrow; she's certainly striving to help us live our best lives with her sage advice and product tips. See: Drinking from a thousand-dollar shot glass, investing in uterus cleanses, and shopping off her Christmas gift guide that's worth the gross national product of France. But, with her latest goop newsletter post, we have to wonder if maybe Gwyneth's just trolling us. Introducing the Gwyneth Paltrow guide to "maximizing your yawn."

That's right. First, she had us cleaning our reproductive organs with mugwort steam. Now she wants to help you yawn better. (Did you know you've been doing it wrong all this time? Oh. Well, you have.) During a recent late-night dinner with Michael Lear — "a wonderful yogi" — Gwyneth noted how Lear urged another guest not to suppress a yawn. After all, yawning is an absolutely crucial reflex for stress release and physical recalibration. And it turns out we're terrible at it.

Because you are a complete idiot who can't even fucking yawn right, Gwyn offers some advice from her yogi pal on how to "really lean into" that yawn. Lest you screw this up even worse, she's broken it down into two different kinds of yawns you should practice. Yawn #1 has five steps, while Yawn #2 adds two additional steps — you know, for advanced practitioners. In each scenario, you are advised to yawn eight to 10 times, "until tearing is induced."

You got that, people? If you're not crying, you're doing it wrong. As usual.

More from Body

Summer is over (for real). So it's time to face the facts: You're going to get a cold. Actually, you're probably going to get colds — plural. The average ...
The pelvic exam — complete with the stirrups and the speculum — isn't anyone's favorite thing about having a vagina. But it's really important because it's...
A few years ago, two Michigan urologists noticed a curious pattern among their patients: Upon returning from a Disney World vacation, patients would ...
Pregnant women get a lot of advice about motherhood, even when they don't ask for it. And in the first episode of Expecting, from Refinery29's comedy ...
It shouldn't be this complicated, all this body stuff: size discrimination, weight bias, the multi-factioned movement fighting to reverse it. At its core ...
On principle, I am skeptical of any internet health recommendation that has the word “challenge” tacked on to the end of it. These wellness fads come and...
Although he had been dead for decades, Jim Morrison said something a few years ago that shocked people. He wasn’t speaking from beyond the grave, but in ...
(Paid Content) Stress sweat is different from regular sweat in that it feeds off bacteria and causes odor. Then you start to think about it — producing ...
In April, I ran a story called “The Medium-Sized Woman Problem.” The “problem,” of course, was not the women themselves, but the way in which we frame ...
Jill Krause writes about all things mom, parenting, and relationships at her blog, Baby Rabies, and she has some words of advice for the non-pregnant ...
Let me introduce you all to the love of my life, Sienna Harper Gernon! I've never felt love like it! @justchrisgernon thank you so much, you have been...
Ragazzi mi state seguendo in tanti e vorrei ringraziarvi e scusarmi se non riesco a rispondere a tutti...vi proprio ho una foto che mi ricorda tutte ...
Update: Kopp's original Facebook post has been removed, and, as Shape reports, the chances of contracting an infection so severe that draining is ...
Breast-feeding has numerous benefits for both mother and baby, but it doesn't always come as naturally as we might assume. And, as one viral photo shows, ...