This Brilliant New App Lets You Get Rid Of Your Sh*t With A Text

I've had an old IKEA mattress sitting in my hallway for the past month. On Sunday, my roommate sent me a "friendly reminder" that the next day was trash day — just in case I wanted to, you know, throw out the behemoth that was shored up next to our front door like the bloated ghost of a one-night stand. I was determined to find the mattress a new home — it was perfectly fine, after all — and couldn't wait any longer to take action. So, I lied and said I'd put it up on Craigslist, and that someone was definitely coming to pick it up that weekend. That's when I discovered Unload, a new app seemingly made for such situations. You simply text (424) 373-3353 to let the app know you have an unsued item that could use a new home. (The app's "assistants" have names and faces and can be found on the Unload site, in case you are worried about your old Billy bookcase getting catfished.) The app then texts you back a price you can expect your item to sell for, and arranges for it to be picked up or dropped off at an agreed-upon location — et voilà! Your place is officially crap-less. Users get paid within 48 hours of a successful sale via PayPal, Square Cash, or Venmo, with only a 5% service fee to diminish the high of such gloriously lazy profiteering. Unfortunately, I was not one of those lazy profiteers this weekend; Unload is currently only available in Chicago and San Francisco. But, it's set to launch in NYC soon, and eager would-be users (hi!) can sign up to be notified on the app's site now.