Here's How Often Lesbians Have Sex

Photographed By Lauren Perlstein.
The details of other people's sex lives hold a juicy appeal — especially how often they're doing it. After all, how would we make sure we're "normal" without sex-frequency surveys to allow us to compare ourselves to everyone else? Of course, "normal" is relative, and if you're happy with how much sex you have, it's probably just the right amount. But, that doesn't mean it's not fascinating to peek at the bedroom habits of others. In that spirit, Autostraddle's "Lesbian Sex Survey" solicited 8,566 complete responses from women who have sex with women (89% of whom were between ages 18 and 36), and the results are striking.

In an "ideal world," the majority of the women — 51.89% — said they would have sex multiple times a week, as opposed to once a day (20.66%) or more than once a day (15.2%). Of those surveyed, 7.11% would elect to get down once a week, 3.72% multiple times a month, 0.58% only once a month, and 0.84% less than once a month. As for how these preferences show up in practice, just 1.35% of respondents are having sex more than once a day (the stamina!), and 2.44% manage to get to it once a day. Meanwhile, 28.78% have sex multiple times a week, 14.56% once a week, 22.88% multiple times a month, 8.72% once a month, and 21.37% have sex less than once a month. Compared with the 0.84% of respondents who'd actually want to have sex less than once a month in their "ideal worlds," that 21.47% figure is a little discouraging.

As Autostraddle points out, though, "It’s possible that everybody thinks they want sex a lot more often than they actually do, but it’s also possible that when we imagine an 'ideal world,' we imagine a world where we work 40 hours a week instead of 70, aren’t so damn tired after putting the kids to bed, or weren’t struggling with stress or emotional issues that make sex hard to be prepared for." All fair points. And, it's common for sex frequency to drop as relationships endure: Having sex once a day or more was reported in 12% of relationships of six months or less; that figure drops to 3% when folks have been together for more than one year, and it dips to 1% in relationships of five to 10 years.

If you do want to be having more sex than you are, bring it up with your partner. Finding a frequency that works for you could be simply a matter of communication, as well as scheduling sex like you would anything else in your routine (planning ahead gets a bad rap for being "unromantic," but anticipation can be incredibly sexy). As for the 40-hour work week, that one might be more difficult to negotiate — but know that we're rooting for you.
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