Matt & Ben Are Totally To Blame For Deflategate

How do you like them apples? With just two days to go before their Super Bowl showdown with Seattle, the New England Patriots have found a handful of diehard fans to fall on their swords for the team. These guys want you to know that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady had nothing to do with Deflategate. These guys are ready to take the blame. These guys look kind of familiar.

Yes, that's Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, John Krasinski, Chris Evans, Steven Tyler, and Bill Simmons — all loyal Boston boys — claiming to be the "perpatrata" behind the Pats' suspiciously deflated footballs. The group confessed to their involvement (wink, wink) in a hilarious video which aired during last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live. We're not buying their story, but the accents are as on-point as Evans' remarks about Brady's piercing blue eyes. Also, we'll be filing a petition later today demanding that Damon legally change his name to Tubby Herlihy. 

Kimmel manages to take a potshot at Damon, while Affleck says anyone who doesn't buy his confession can "go f*** yourself." We'd like to tie up this scandal with a neat little bow, but there's one nagging question: Where is Mark Wahlberg, and can he account for his whereabouts for two Sundays ago?

Video: Courtesy ABC.
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