The Daily Mail has uncovered that Herr Kaiser does indeed have family — an older sister, whom he hasn't seen in 45 years.
Christiane Johnson (née Lagerfeld) was raised in Hamburg with Karl, and moved to the States in 1957 as an au pair for a Seattle family. There, she met her husband, with whom she settled in Portland, Connecticut and raised four children — including one named after Uncle Karl (aww).
The siblings do keep in touch via the occasional letter; in one that Johnson proudly showed to the Daily Mail reporter, Karl had enclosed a signed portrait of himself and Choupette. Johnson also avidly follows her brother's career, clipping out press mentions and even keeping a board of Karl's mementos displayed in her living room. But, things get interesting when the interviewer asks why the siblings don't visit:
"I'm not angry, I know he's really busy. He lives over there and I live here — it's just one of those things. I have the phone number for his kitchen but that doesn't do me any good. Then there's the six-hour time difference."
That literally reads like an Onion article on BS excuses why you never see your relatives. I'd call, but he's never in the kitchen. And, we've both been super biz — for forty-five years!
Still, Johnson is a woman of modest means, so maybe Lagerfeld could take the onus of visiting? If he can squeeze it in between designing for Chanel, Fendi, heading up his namesake label, stroking Choupette like a Bond villain, and keeping his collars starched, that is. In the meantime, Johnson stands ready for baby bro's visit:
"I know that he only drinks Coca Cola. I will make sure I go get some if he comes to visit."
Click over to DM to read the full story, and see a pic of the eerily familiar-looking Mrs. Johnson — purple-streaked hair and all. We'd hang out and drink Diet Coke with her any day. (Daily Mail )