There are a few guarantees each holiday season. You will have to deal with that [insert family issue] you’ve been cleverly avoiding all year. You will witness/be a part of an awkward make-out sesh at the office holiday party. You will Google “easiest juice cleanse” from your bed (or somebody else’s) on January 1st.
And, you will, despite your best efforts, feel the overwhelming need to listen to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Nonstop. On loop. All. Month. Long.
It’s not your fault. Despite a recent performance that sparked a run of blasphemous criticism — which we will not be talking about today — "AIWFCIY" is the Christmas song equivalent of Michelangelo’s "David" or Kanye’s “leather jogging pants” rant. It’s a masterpiece.
The problem is, not everyone is a fellow Carey Crusader. Sure, you’ll get smiles and high fives at first. But, after the 14th consecutive day of blasting your all-"AIWFCIY"-everything Spotify playlist (and no, you can not listen to it on headphones), it’ll get to people.