Save Your Fat Cat With This Kitty Hamster Wheel

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Look, I'm not here to tell anyone what the ideal body type should be. I think that a truly beautiful shape has all sorts of curves and volume. Which is one of the reasons why I get so upset when people call Missy Misdemeanor Brillson, a.k.a my kitty, fat. She isn't fat. Sure, her stomach sweeps along the ground and sometimes she looks like a fur-covered balloon with a tiny head on top, but she is beautiful. She has those long, gorgeously toned legs, and her belly, though expansive, has just the right amount of area for raspberry-making. (She does not enjoy that, however.) She's not a young cat, and I feel that if she is comfortable with her body size at her age, I should do my best as a cat guardian to support her.

However, if all of those "tubby tabby" remarks are getting your own feline down, this One Fast Cat product aims to let your cat expend energy by letting it run endlessly on its own silent hamster wheel. According to the product's creator, the wheel snaps together like a toy race car track and is made from recycled plastic that is durable for tiny cat claws. Plus, kitty expends energy, meaning there is less of a drive for it to nibble all of your house plants and then throw up all over your outfit for tomorrow.

While One Fast Cat's heart is certainly in the right place, if I put Missy on it, she would immediately curl up, fall asleep, and snore right on the center of it until I started manually spinning the contraption til she flopped over, belly waddle all askew.