Because the universe is a kind and generous place, J.K. Rowling has released a new Harry Potter story online this morning. In the piece, written as a Daily Prophet gossip column by Rita Skeeter (aw, we even missed you, Rita!), Harry is 34 years old. It's fine. We're old. It's fine. The headline reads: "Dumbledore's Army Reunites At Quidditch World Cup Final," and lists the various characters from that crew in thrilling detail.
We don't want to spoil all the fun, but know that Harry has a mysterious new scar (and graying hair!), Hermione appears to be leaning in hard at the Ministry of Magic, and Ron is comanager of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. There are a plethora of fun tidbits and curious clues about other old favorites, including Neville, Luna, Ginny, Fleur, and all the various Weasleys.
This is probably the greatest thing that will happen to you all summer, if not lifetime — considering Rowling has vowed never to dive back into Harry's world in book form. The universe is good, just not that good.
Rowling's website has been up and down all morning as hoards flock to this wondrous new missive, but as of now it's in good working order. [INSERT JOKE ABOUT WEBSITE-FIXING CHARM.] Check out the full story on Pottermore right this very second.