That's the mission statement for Emojinalysis, copywriter Dan Brill's new Tumblr, where he promises to psychoanalyze you based on what emojis you use. A word of warning, Sigmund Freud he is not. In fact, Brill makes no claims of having a degree in psychology so his analysis should be taken for what they are: A gag.
For instance, he tells a 27-year-old user named Melody that her use of gun, syringe, and knife emojis "scare the hell" out of him, and fails to acknowledge that Melody also likes clouds, hearts, and pizza. Maybe she's just trying to say that she would figuratively kill for a slice of pepperoni.
Then there's 36-year-old Carey, who Brill basically calls a terrorist because she happens to have a fondness for skulls, ghosts, and the high-voltage sign. Don't listen to him, Carey, we know that you really just have a thing for Casper. You are not a terrorist!
The truth is, it's impossible to get a hold on someone's inner psyche based solely on their use of silly iPhone graphics. Just because we sent our ex a broken heart, a skull, and a tombstone doesn't mean we wish them harm, right? RIGHT!?
Check out some of Brill's pseudo-emojinalysis here.