The Waffogato Arrives, Dessert Officially Jumps The Shark

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waffogatobetterPhoto: Courtesy of Dominique Ansel Bakery.
Cronuts were great and all, but it's 2014. We're not going to get up at 3 a.m. to wait in a five-hour line for just any old deep-fried, chocolate-glazed breakfast item. If you really want to impress us, you better put ice cream in our coffee. Make that waffle-shaped ice cream β€” and maple-syrup-flavored coffee. Then, we'll talk.

Introducing the Waffogato, Dominique Ansel Bakery's latest wild and crazy confection that's setting food blogs ablaze. It's exactly what it sounds like: a waffle-shaped chunk of vanilla ice cream (mixed with tapioca pearls and bits of actual waffle) dropped into a coffee cup and topped with a splash of syrup-flavored espresso. The whole thing dissolves as you eat it, leaving a pool of coffee-dessert-breakfast goodness in your cup. "It’s a little like a milkshake at the end,” says Ansel. That sounds great. But, also, come on now.

True, every business needs a hook, and Ansel has struggled to top his original hit since the Cronut absolutely swallowed Manhattan last summer. He debuted the frozen s'more in July, followed by milk-and-cookie shots just last month, all of which garnered significant press and praise β€” just not as as much as his beloved firstborn.

The Waffogato is probably delicious, but it's also just a little bit much. A note to future bakers: A clever portmanteau does not a great dessert make. One cannot help but picture a culinary-school dorm room full of stoned pastry chefs:

"You know what would be so good right now? Waffles."

"Nah, I want ice cream. And coffee. Let's make some affogatos."

"WAIT, I'VE GOT IT."

That's not to say that hundreds of foodie lemmings won't be lining up to try Ansel's latest sugary starlet when it officially debuts on May 9. We're just a little tired of those seven-hour waits for an overpriced dessert that, for all its cleverness, is never going to give you seven hours of your life back.

We'll see you at the Mr. Softee truck.