Justin Bieber Will Remain In America Because Obama Said So

bieberPhoto: BEImages/MBBImages
When Justin Bieber was arrested for DUI back in January, a petition was launched with the hopes of having him removed from the Home of the Brave and sent back to the Great White North. Well, said petition now has a staggering 273,000 signees, soaring past the 100,000 signee threshold needed for the White House to officially respond.
That means the Obama administration had no choice but to address the Bieber deportation issue — and it did (sort of). "We won’t be commenting on this one," the White House said in a statement, adding that it "may decline to address certain procurement, law enforcement, adjudicatory, or similar matters properly within the jurisdiction of federal departments or agencies, federal courts, or state and local government in its response to a petition."
Whoever came up with that loophole must have anticipated that one day a bright young boy would post some videos on YouTube, be discovered by a man named Usher, and then mutate into an egg-throwing, sizzurp-drinking megastar whose very existence would disturb a large portion of the populace, resulting in an outcry for his removal from the country.
Unfortunately for the U.S., it doesn't quite work that way. While the petition is a loud-and-clear statement that hey, Americans don't like Justin Bieber, the 20-year-old is still a murder charge or two away from actually being legally forced to leave the country. As a Canadian, I sympathize with not wanting another country's trash in your own backyard. I really do. Unfortunately. my petition to have Duck Dynasty removed from Canada's airwaves has just one signature. Mine. (Los Angeles Times)

More from News

Chrissy Teigen confirms that her life is just too too cute
The actor will not be attending a screening of the film Voyage of Time this evening. Though he narrates the documentary film, Pitt says he will not be ...
Two weeks ago, Nick Gordon was found responsible for the 2015 death of one-time girlfriend Bobbi Kristina Brown in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by her ...
You could spend all day critiquing the media for the lack of compelling content created by and starring women. But why not put the kind of female-centric...
Just when we thought we couldn't handle any more Hollywood romances ending, Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber broke up. "Over the past few months we've ...
Viola Davis wants people to rethink what it means to be a survivor of sexual assault. In a speech benefitting the Rape Foundation, the How to Get Away ...
We've been waiting for this news ever since President Obama announced that the White House would host South by South Lawn. The official lineup is here, ...
Dusty Rose Levine 9/21/16 A photo posted by Adam Levine (@adamlevine) on Sep 23, 2016 at 9:40pm PDT Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo Levine have ...
Update: Marion Cotillard's longtime partner, Guillaume Canet, has also weighed in on the Pitt-Jolie divorce rumors. In a post on Instagram, he wrote a long...
Fact: When a woman turns 30, she can do whatever the fuck she wants. To be sure, a woman can do just about anything just about anytime she wants. The ...
Last month, Star Wars star Daisy Ridley abruptly quit Instagram. The internet assumed that online bullying spurred her departure, because, well, the ...
Kylie Jenner has been summoned for questioning in a lawsuit against Tyga, TMZ reports. Before October 6, Jenner will appear for examination in a case ...
Pharrell Williams, the man responsible for "Happy," the song that would not go away, is expecting another child with his wife, Helen Lasichanh, E! Online...
Think about your nineteenth birthday. Perhaps it was not as special as your eighteenth birthday, but still a good birthday. You're an adult. Maybe you're...