Lady Gaga's A Rose Now

There once was a lady who believed she had everything. She had hit singles making people dance, her own breed of monsters, and a name so easily pronounceable that babies could say it. Gaga, they'd say. And, just like that, a star was born. But, she did not have everything.

You see, Lady Gaga had not blossomed into the being she knew she was deep down. The Koons suddenly became her, but what's a gazing ball without a garden to exist in? So, on the day of her 28th birthday (and opening night of her Roseland Ballroom residency) she transformed into a rose.

Beneath an inflorescence of buds, Gaga began to see life through a rose-colored veil (rose-colored glasses are so passé). Now she and her gazing ball can create a new kind of garden of Eden — one where art and pop frolic above space and time, whilst the Mother Monster poses in body stockings. Together, they will compose a new single, "R.O.S.E. (Reagan Only Slept Evenings)." Don't worry about deciphering its meaning. Her ARTPOP could mean anything!