Hump, Marry, Kill: The Show Your Inner Child (& Her BFF) Will Love

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HMK_bodyPhoto: Mischa Richter/HBO; via @theveronicamarsmovie; Matt Dinerstein /ABC.
Hump: Imagine someone gave you and your childhood BFF a TV show. What would it entail? For me, it would probably tell the tale of a teenage gymnast or ice skater during her first trip to the Olympics. Because — no joke — my best friend and I used to write stories about fictional Dominique Moceanus and Tara Lipinskis. Wish fulfillment, I guess, since we both would have loved to actually be Olympians. But, alas, we were blessed with literary rather than athletic prowess.

Where am I going with this? Well, HBO aired the first two episodes of Doll & Em this week, a gem of a sitire (sitcom + satire…satcom?) about real-life best friends Dolly Wells and Emily Mortimer. The two had apparently been trying to write something together for 10 years when they finally said eff it to a lofty, fictional tale and decided to write what they know: specifically, what it’s like to be a female in the film industry today.

They play fictionalized versions of themselves in the show, with Mortimer taking the seemingly pampered but actually quite vulnerable Hollywood actress role, and Wells as her best friend who comes to L.A. from England to be her assistant following a breakup. It’s cringe-worthy in a Curb Your Enthusiasm way at times, but what I love most is the subtle way Doll & Em skewers the process of making a film with a “strong female character” (you’ll hear that phrase a lot, along with “like a female Godfather,” which is a fake movie that needs to become a real thing ASAP).

If you don’t have HBO, just call up your childhood best friend and demand to borrow her password so you can watch. All of our childhood besties became famous actresses, right? Great, that’ll make it even easier to get your passion project made into an HBO series.

Marry: Warning: Slight but easy-to-see-coming spoiler about the Veronica Mars movie ahead. I’m currently experiencing a little problem called “I already love Enlisted, and then I watched the Veronica Mars movie, Google-stalked Chris Lowell, found his photography site and amazing Instagram, learned that he directed a movie, and now I have a huge crush on him.” I promise this doesn’t make me team Piz (although if you’re really done with him, Veronica, can I have his number?), but I’m all about the man on one vertex of the V. Mars love triangle. He looks like your typical Southern boy mixed with Todd from Wedding Crashers — you know, the guy who painted a nude portrait of Vince Vaughn? I dig it.

Kill: My kingdom for an ABC executive who can tell me what Mind Games is about. It’s so high-concept it somehow becomes no concept. Seriously, anyone who wants to give it a shot, there’s a free cup of bland office coffee in it for you.