Scandal Recap Ridiculist: We Do Not Touch The First Ladies

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Every week, we'll be recapping all of the totally outrageous — yet totally awesome — developments on our favorite political drama, Scandal. Check out all of our past ridiculists here.
Last week's Scandal promised extra drama with the introduction of some long-awaited characters. Because, let's be honest, we were all waiting to see when Mellie would start a relationship with someone new, and we have a feeling tonight's kiss (spoiler!) was just the beginning of an affair that could put Fitz and Olivia to shame. We were also kind of excited to see Adnan Salif enter the picture so we could learn more about Harrison's past. But, we definitely weren't prepared to learn whom she teamed up with. This just means trouble and lots of drama. Now, on to the Ridiculist.
No one knew Andrew Nichols and Mellie had a past? The gladiators are supposed to be able to dig up anything. We have seen them uncover people's hidden secrets by accident, yet they were actively trying to prove Nichols was a bad candidate and found nothing. They didn't find out President Fitz's new running mate had once upon a time been involved, and is still in love, with the first lady? How did that happen?
"Did you just say hen house? I am not your hen...I am not a prize at the state fair. You cannot win me." Olivia may keep making the same mistake by running back to Fitz, but she does know how to deliver the best one-liners during their lovers' quarrels.
James. Please, stop. Someone needs to take down Cyrus, and Cyrus has provided James with all the motivation that he needs. But, can James actually succeed? With all of the whining and back tracking James did this episode, it looks like he is way out of his league.
Really, Quinn let herself get caught spying on the Pope family? Jake was right when he said that she wasn't cut out for B613. It really is a good thing that Olivia decided to leave dinner before Rowan.
Mellie is finally getting some. This show didn't really need another extramarital affair. But, after watching Fitz parade around with Olivia, we will agree that it is Mellie's turn. And, that dress. It basically stole the show.
How is it that easy to put a grown man into a trunk? The show had to have hired a superhero in order to put a bag over David's head while seamlessly fitting his body into the trunk so fast. Truly, there was no way Huck or Abby could have done that.
"People get people coffee when they are sorry." Seriously? Huck wanted Olivia to forgive him, and he continually bought her something he knew she didn't like. No one needs fresh coffee delivered to them all day long (actually, on second thought maybe we do). But, especially someone who does not like coffee.
Really, no one thought to inform Andrew that Fitz is having an affair with his campaign manager? This probably should be mentioned up front. With all of those guards emptying out three floors every time Olivia and Fitz hook up, he will probably notice something is up with his running mate pretty soon.
Special Agent Thomas Larsen. From the moment we learned B613 had its own agent from inside the The White House, we could all guess whom it would be — Tom, the only agent we know by name. Fitz truly doesn't know how to surround himself with loyal people. If he wins another term, he should work on that.
Don't forget Mama Pope. After seeing her call from outside The White House at the end of the winter finale, we surely hadn't forgotten about Mama Pope, but we were beginning to worry the show had. Not only is she alive, but she is working with Adnan Salif. Harrison, Cyrus (because clearly this election is when you should accept corrupt funding) and Olivia should prepare for the worst now.

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