Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
Did you forget, oh cruel one? Ye of fickle heart? You were all up in arms about that possible Sriracha shutdown a while ago, and then it slipped your mind like so many Kony 2012s in the night. But now, the news is back, and it's real: A Los Angeles judge has officially ordered Huy Fong foods to shut down the plant until it can get its delicious, delicious odors under control.
Quartz reports that the company processes all of its fresh chilies when they are ripe, during a three-month period. If the plant shuts down now and remains closed for too long, those poor little guys will be left to rot. Worse, the chili sauce supply will be significantly less robust than it once was. Demand, however, is increasing as our taste buds, numbed to all other foods by the sauce's spiciness, crave the ability to feel something once more.
We are almost certainly entering a new era in which moonshine and bathtub gin will be replaced with, er, bathtub sriracha. We should all start wearing Prohibition-era gangster outfits and hustling vials of off-brand hot sauce around the city, stringing along junkies and amassing huge profits in the process. See? There's a bright side to everything. (Quartz)