So, GQ — the gentleman's quarterly — has done a rather ungentlemanly thing and published this year's list of the least influential celebrities of 2013. Certainly, there are many candidates, though the fact that they're known enough to make it onto the list may negate their very presence there. Sometimes, in the world of reality TV and the mega-money that comes with it, it seems like a recognizable face and name are equivalent to instant influence. But, according to GQ, it takes a lot more than that.
In fact, even being president of the United States won't guarantee you a free pass in this roundup. Barack Obama comes in at #17, because, as the author Drew Magary writes, "I have spent the majority of this man's presidency watching bad things happen, then hearing a thoughtful speech about how we gotta make sure the bad things never happen again, and then watching as nothing gets done." Okay, fair point. Royal babies don't get much love, either. Granted, in terms of literal influence, we're not sure Prince George can really make us do much yet, beyond coo and try to pinch the cheeks of our computer screens.
But, we have to call out a few of these as downright ridiculous. First of all, Lady Gaga. Love her, hate her, or simply find her tired and ubiquitous, you can't deny that this chick could make pretty much anything happen. She could tweet the word "QWERTY," and it would get 1,218 re-Tweets. Even if you think ARTPOP was a total failure, that doesn't earn her a spot here. Unlike Ryan Reynolds, another entry on this list whose flops are so floppy that nobody can muster the strength to talk about them, Gaga's success, or lack thereof with her latest album and accompanying antics, has been debated a hundred times over with think pieces from every outlet there is.
Then there's "Will Smith and family." We will tell you right now that if the Smiths approached us and demanded that we turn Refinery29.com into a flip-flop wholesale business, we would do so, and we would declare it the next big thing in digital media.
Last but not least, and the clearest indicator that this list is just cray: the cicadas. Anyone who has lived in the midst of a cicada hub knows these bugs will easily dominate every aspect of your life. The vast piles of corpses on the sidewalk force you to contemplate your own insignificance and mortality. The constant buzz of their mating call makes your own sexual antics and courting behaviors look ever more animalistic and simple. And, their uncanny ability to fly right into your mouth/eye/nose/hair/whatever will make you look like a fool in any situation.
We rest our case. (GQ)