All right, everyone, brace yourselves — Miley Cyrus' 21 birthday is tomorrow. If you'd rather she just stop popping up here, there, and everywhere (she can't), might we point you in the direction of the Anti-Miley plugin? Actually, scratch that. You might as well unplug for the day, because Cyrus shrapnel and sloppy second gossip is sure to breach whatever pop cultural battalion you might construct between now and noon tomorrow.
Why noon? Well, Cyrus is taking over MTV for eight hours, that's why. Some people get wasted for the big 2-1; others curate programming for an international mega-brand. Cyrus will presumably do both — give or take a few twerks. In addition to broadcasting the singer's favorite episodes of television gems like Snooki and JWOWW, Cyrus will broadcast 21 Candles: Miley’s MTV Moments, the longest selfie (aside from Beyoncé's documentary) to hit the boob tube. What the remaining three or so hours will consist of is unclear. One's mind can wander to the darkest of places when imagining a Miley Cyrus birthday celebration. Foam finger pits? A bouncy room shaped like a wagging tongue? Robin Thicke as Beetlejuice? A dance off with a girl actually named Molly? Wow, we're going to stop ourselves right there because someone in this relationship has to, right? Right. (MTV)
Photo: via @mtv; @mileycyrus.