Walmart's Black Friday Sale Starts On Thanksgiving: Slankets! Get Yer Slankets!

In an effort to further capitalize on an invented holiday in which Americans flex their spending muscle in a literally violent frenzy of unfettered consumerism, Walmart has announced that it will kick off its Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving. The retailer will hold two sales events, at 6 p.m. and 8 p.m., on Thursday, November 28. Of course, it will continue to hold sales that Friday, too.

This follows in the footsteps of several other retailers, including Target, Best Buy and Macy's, who are in a competition hammerlock to draw more customers earlier and earlier each year. USA Today reports, "Toys R Us will open its doors at 5 p.m. Thanksgiving day, Best Buy will open at 6 p.m. and Target will open at 8 p.m. Macy's, J.C. Penney and Kohl's will offer Thursday hours for the first time, and Kmart will open at 6 a.m. Thanksgiving morning and remain open for 41 hours straight." It also quoted an "online deal expert" who remarked that Black Friday has become something of a "six-day weekend," because people need their discounts on HDTVs and Slankets. It's a core American right.

Spend, spend, spend. (USA Today)