The 10 WORST Reasons To Turn Down A Second Date

GoodRelationship_7_AmmielMendozaIllustrated by Ammiel Mendoza.
You hearted him on Tinder, winked at her on Match, or engaged in an exhilarating five-minute flirt-session at a party…and it was awesome. But, you can't really gauge chemistry until you go on a date, can you? And, while the first date is great for sussing out compatibility, it’s also a setting in which it's all too easy to make split-second judgments about a person who could be a great significant other (according to relationship experts, not just us).
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Meaning, if you make all your judgements on a first date, you could easily end something great before it even begins. “First dates are often filled with nervous energy and don’t show you the full potential of who a person might be. I tell women that they should pick four attributes that are non-negotiables in a partner, and none can be superficial,” explains Rachel DeAlto, a relationship expert based in New York City. “If he (or she) has those and you’re moderately attracted, you have to go on at least three more dates.”
Still, we’re only human and that's easier said than done. In the moment, it’s all too easy to get judge-y about, say, his overuse of emotions. So, we asked ten women to reveal the silliest, often superficial reasons why they said no to a second date. Some of them regret it, some of them went back and changed their minds and found happiness, and some of them are perfectly happy with the decisions they made, even if they were just a tad nit-picky. Basically, it's proof positive that keeping an open mind is great, but ultimately, there's no such thing as a hard-and-fast rule when it comes to something as personal as relationships.
1. “He asked if we could meet for a cup of joe, instead of a cup of coffee. I knew I was being weird and superficial, but I just couldn’t imagine living with that expression for the rest of my life. ”
— Jane
2. “He didn’t know who Kanye West was. In 2013. He was a professor and obviously incredibly smart, but seriously? Had he not looked at the Internet, ever?”
— Alex
3. “He wore a bucket hat to our date. I thought it was a joke…until he didn’t take it off, even when we were inside the restaurant. When he texted me to go out again, I initially said no, thinking about his stupid hat. But, he persisted and wore me down. Two years later, we’re going strong…and the hat is at the Salvation Army.”
— Alex
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4. “He called me by the wrong name! My email address is my first and middle name, so he kept calling me Sarah Jane…and it got to the point where it was too weird for me to correct. I ignored his texts after that, but I sort of wish I hadn’t.”
— Sarah
5. “The whole date, there was a weird seed or something stuck between his teeth. I tried to do that subtle, ‘check your teeth,’ gesture a few times, but he didn’t pick up on it…and I was so distracted and grossed out by the end of dinner, and there was no way I could say yes to a second date.”
— Blair
6. “He had the same name as my ex. It’s a really common name, but I just felt freaked out that the name had bad mojo for me.”
— Erin
7. “He said he hated yoga.”
— Kelly
8. “A large part of our first-date conversation focused on running. From the way he talked, I assumed he was really into it. Well, when I got home I looked up his recent road race times…and I was way faster than him, even though I don’t really consider myself a ‘runner.’ Based on that, I figured he had an over-the-top ego.”
— Michelle
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9. “The first date went well, but when I got home, I Googled him, and, according to the Internet, he didn’t exist. Like, there was no Facebook, no job profile, nothing. So, of course, I assumed he was a spy or a serial killer.”
— Brittany
10. “He ordered a prickly-pear margarita, which was bright pink. It was like, glowing. Meanwhile, I ordered a beer. I felt our taste in alcohol was a pretty big indicator we didn’t really have anything in common.”
— Molly
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