Hump, Marry, Kill: It’s The End Of Breaking Bad As We Know It

hmkPhoto: Courtesy of Frank Salinas/ABC Family; Courtesy of Frank Ockenfels/AMC; Courtesy of Melissa Moseley/HBO.
Hump: Katie: “It’s a long winter.” Lou: “It’s a short life.” I don’t even know what that means, but we’re clearly dealing with a true poet and a beautiful, sensitive soul here. Oh, The Vineyard, I wish I could quit you.
Advertisement
Marry: Let me preface this by saying that I have not seen all of Breaking Bad. I know; I call myself a TV fanatic? For shame. But I swear I’ll catch up, barring another random urge to rewatch season one of Skins or the Friday Night Lights finale again. This assertion is based mostly on the hilarious AMA Aaron Paul did this week and the ridiculously fun things he posts on Instagram. I realize he’s not actually Jesse Pinkman, but the IRL version’s gotta be even better than the fictional character who’s in the meth-making biz.
Kill: I realize she went through an extremely traumatic experience in Africa, but seriously, is Maggie on The Newsroom not the worst employee of all time? When she has actual work to do, like transcribing a 911 call that will become a key piece of evidence in one of the most important trials of the past decade, she omits key details. Why? Because she spends all day having hushed conversations with Jim about his own poor job performance, which again relates back to Maggie and his general failure with women.
I’d ask why they don’t get fired, but we’re talking about a newsroom, show, and network run by hysterical, erratic women who can’t seem to focus on their jobs when there are former love interests to spar/flirt with, naked pictures to be sent, and dark rooms in which to sit and spout vague phrases about life’s disappointments after said naked pictures become public knowledge. ACN’s key qualifier for female employees seems to be whether or not they’re stereotypical patients in a movie about Freud.
Maybe this isn’t the career or field for you, Maggie. Consider taking some time off to find yourself — or at least to find a new boyfriend who’s not also a coworker.
P.S. Aaron Sorkin, please don’t force us to watch the progress of a file download as a visual metaphor for the slow, frustrating breakdown of a relationship ever again. I don’t tune into TV shows for the escapism of watching someone’s Shockwave plug-in crash. That’s what real life is for.
Advertisement

More from Entertainment

A new Anne of Green Gables movie is on the way! Those of you who have been fearing the inevitable tense political debate with a long-lost relative that ...
There are two kinds of TV-watchers out there. The first are normal, well-balanced people who are dying from the very beginning to know how a series ends...
As someone who is about to have a daughter, this hits me deep in my core. #NeverTrump https://t.co/BIG4J0mkM6— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) September 24, ...
The Press Conference conveys all the secret conversations we're not suppose to know about right before the news hits big
On Friday, Kylie Jenner started getting her Hidden Hills, CA, home ready for All Hallows Eve. "I’m decorating my house for Halloween," she announced via ...
surprise number 1 @mileycyrus @billyidol #iheartfestival A video posted by Ryan Seacrest (@ryanseacrest) on Sep 23, 2016 at 8:24pm PDT Miley Cyrus...
At first glance, you might mistake this photo for a late '90s snapshot of Cruel Intentions-era Reese Witherspoon on the red carpet, but no. The poised ...
(Paid Content) When a movie like Disney's Queen of Katwe comes out, you know award season is upon us. The inspiring new film has all the makings of an ...
NBC News reports that Pippa Middleton’s iCloud account was hacked and had her photos stolen and put up for sale. The hack came to light after U.K. paper ...
Update: Kendall Jenner has offered a response to those who did not like her ballet shoot for Vogue España, kind of. She shared several photos from the ...
Though it's barely been a month since news of cute celebrity couple du jour, Ariana Grande and Mac Miller, broke via photos of the duo locking lips at a ...
Dusty Rose Levine 9/21/16 A photo posted by Adam Levine (@adamlevine) on Sep 23, 2016 at 9:40pm PDT Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo Levine have ...
Update: Marion Cotillard's longtime partner, Guillaume Canet, has also weighed in on the Pitt-Jolie divorce rumors. In a post on Instagram, he wrote a long...
The Pfeffermans are back! To quickly get up to speed, check out our Binge Club for season 2. Already set? Let's get this started. Episode 1: "Elizah" ...