Hump, Marry, Kill: The Hunger Games Comes to Television, Sorta

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hmkPhoto: Courtesy of Mark Peterson/Sundance Channel; Courtesy of Chris Ragazzo/IFC; Courtesy of The CW.
Hump: Attention all TV-obsessives like yours truly: Jim Rash is now hosting a show called The Writers’ Room on Sundance Channel where he interviews the creative teams from your favorites series. This week, the staff of Breaking Bad stopped by, and next Monday, it’s Parks and Recreation’s turn. Tune in at 10 to see an entry from my dream journal come to life.

Marry: Anna Kendrick is already pretty high up on my list of potential best friend candidates, and this week she pretty much beat out Jennifer Lawrence for the top spot by appearing on not one but two great shows. Last Friday, she was on Comedy Bang Bang with my future husband Ben Schwartz (this paragraph somehow took a weird stalker turn, now didn't it?), and on Tuesday, she was the guest judge on So You Think You Can Dance. Of course, she was awesome on both; she’s Anna Kendrick. She can sing while accompanying herself on plastic cups.

Kill: Like millions of people, I read The Hunger Games. I saw the movie on opening night. I cry every time I reread the end of Mockingjay, and I’m sure I’m not alone. What a new reality show on The CW called Capture fails to realize, however, is that when people say they “like The Hunger Games,” we’re not talking about the actual Hunger Games. Kids being forced to kill one another for the perverted amusement of a rich capital city is not something I need to see more of. We’re talking about actual children dying, and their parents having to watch it at home on TV in the sickest reality show ever conceived.

The producers of Capture clearly thought, “Wow, people really love this Hunger Games stuff. We should try to recreate the Games’ hunter-and-prey mentality in our own reality show, but since this isn’t a twisted, allegorical, dystopian future, we can only have the contestants play for money, not their lives.”

The result is basically the world’s most expensive, equipment-laden, and boring game of tag. Also, an incredibly unfortunate use of quotations about teams’ relationships, making descriptors like “friends without benefits” and “Brooklyn girls” sound snide and undermining. And, “parkour couple” (pictured up there) never actually do any cool moves. A show like this should at the very least have some decent parkour.