Hump, Marry, Kill: Ray Donovan You Are Not Don Draper

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Hump: I mean...look at that friggin’ extension. Jasmine is already this absolutely gorgeous contemporary dancer with lines for days, and then she gets paired with Aaron, the hunky tapper who just squeaked onto this season of So You Think You Can Dance. The two of them could not be more adorable and magnetic to watch together. Their hip-hop routine this week reminded me of Sasha and Twitch’s scorching “Misty Blue,” which is one of my all-time faves on the show. And, here I go into a best-of So You Think You Can Dance YouTube spiral. See you on the other side.
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Marry: Okay, if I’m being entirely truthful, I fell asleep after I started watching Ray Donovan on Sunday night. I eventually finished — don’t worry — but it was just so predictable. Athlete wakes up with dead hooker in his bed, actor “accidentally” picks up a transvestite, and gruff guy from Boston swoops in to save the day in a way that makes you, the viewer, feel icky and wondering/hoping to never encounter anyone or any situation that would require coming into contact with any such sordid characters.
Awkward Boston accents, creepy childhood memories, and hallucinations where Marilyn Monroe portraits talk happen. They’re all pretty unexciting and reminiscent of the Mad Men pilot in that you can’t decide if you’re supposed to like Ray Donovan, the anti-hero, or not. Except here, you sort of don’t care to find out. And, there’s way too many baseball-bat beatings for my taste.
What I will stick with, however, is Liev Schreiber in boxer-briefs and a wife beater. Happythankyoumoreplease, Showtime. And hey, Katherine Moennig, lovely to see you again!
Kill: Listen, Linden, I get that being enigmatic and erratic is kind of your thing and all that, but please, break the stoic streak for like a hot second some time to actually make progress on the case you rejoined the police force to solve. Stop showing up at psychologically and emotionally damaged children’s schools, prison, and other irrelevant locations, and for the love of god, please speak louder. I swear I had good hearing when I started watching The Killing. Now it’s just the hum of rain, mist, and dull murmurs. Does ever-present precipitation have a noise? Because I hear that better than anything Detective Linden ever says. Maybe the mist will solve this crime — or just wash the whole gray city away. That would probably happen faster.
Photo: Courtesy of Mathieu Young/FOXl; Courtesy of Suzanne Tenner/SHOWTIME; Courtesy of Carole Segal/AMC
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