Talk Dirty To Me: A Beginner's Guide To Verbal Foreplay

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dirtytalk_V1Dirty talk. It can be... awkward. Many of us find that when we're getting busy, we're not exactly spewing our finest poetry. Held back by nerves, fear of embarrassing ourselves, or inexperience, incorporating speech into our sexytime routines can be intimidating, even for the most verbose people. So, why bother?

There are a few reasons why we think dirty talk deserves a place in your bedroom (or, you know, wherever you're doing it). Hearing your partner's voice during sex adds another sensory item to the menu; plus, putting words to an already hot experience only makes it hotter. "Dirty talk allows you to flex that other sex organ — the brain, which houses an unlimited reserve of erotic stimuli," says Babeland co-founder Claire Cavanah. "You can bring someone to a heightened state of arousal using just your words, which is an incredibly exciting experience."

Additionally, the more you communicate about sex, the better it becomes (it's a law of physics, we swear). Cavanah says, "Dirty talk deepens intimate relationships because you're sharing your private thoughts, exploring different ways to express yourselves, and revealing (and discovering) a more vulnerable side to yourselves." So, telling your partner what feels good and why, while it's happening, will benefit both of you.

Not sure where to even begin talking dirty? Cavanah provided us with a foolproof formula to get started.

Say What You're Going To Do
Want to tie your partner up and have your way with them? Tell them that you're going to do it. This will build the anticipation. Also, it'll give them an opportunity to tell you whether or not they actually want you to do that. Again, the more communication, the better.

Follow Through
No one likes an empty promise! Go ahead and tie them up, as long as you have gotten consent, of course.

Say What You Just Did
Don't stop just because you've, well, stopped. Telling your partner what you just did will prolong the experience, and could lead into something else. So, saying "I just tied you up and had my way with you" could prompt your partner to then respond with what they would like to take a turn doing. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

If you find that you don't know what words you'd like to use, Cavanah recommends writing out a list of words you find hot, and asking your partner to do the same. You can also read erotica, and pay attention to the specific words that turn you on. If you're saying words that turn you on, chances are it'll be contagious — though it's always important to make sure you're on the same page with your partner about what words are okay.

So, the next time you and your partner go for a roll in the hay, don't just keep those thoughts to yourself — tell your person what you're thinking, what you're thinking about doing, and why. And, don't be afraid to laugh: Sex should be fun, and if you're too serious about your dirty talk, it'll be hard to really open up. If something makes you giggle, we think you should let yourself giggle. As Cavanah says, "There is no wrong way to talk dirty."

Photo: iStock.


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