16 Things True Blood Taught Us About Sex

For True Blood fans, the fact that the show is a little well, out there, is hardly news. Whether we're watching barkeeps shapeshift into animals or cringing as our favorite neighbors feast on a human heart casserole, the show definitely satisfies our need for escapism.
So, while we were gearing up for this past Sunday's season six premiere, our water cooler talk started to turn slightly inappropriate (in a good way), and we realized that our beauty team, as huge True Blood fans, had quite a lot to say about the show's more X-rated elements (#pervs). It turns out that while action and drama may be what lures fans to the show, they're staying for the raunchy, over-the-top sexual escapades — and, regular viewing can teach you quite a lot about romps in the sack. Read on to find out the naughty lessons we've gotten from our favorite Bon Temps residents.
Advertisement
1 of 16
Having dream sex with someone can sometimes be way more satisfying than having actual sexy-time with them. Also, don't drink someone's blood unless you're ready to have said dreams about them.

Photo: Courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO.
2 of 16
If it seems like everybody has a secret, they probably do. Just pray that it's something like, "I'm actually a 300-year-old vampire," or "When I get naked, I sometimes like to shapeshift into the form of an animal," rather than "I forgot to tell you I have VD."

Photo: Courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO.
3 of 16
Sometimes, the hottest guys have dungeons in their basements.

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
4 of 16
Building contractors often turn out to be real animals in bed.

Photo: Courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO.
5 of 16
Graveyard sex: It's not just for teenage goths anymore.

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
Advertisement
6 of 16
Leather playsuits really are appropriate for all occasions.

Photo: Courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO.
7 of 16
Everyone is a little bit gay for vampires...including vampires.

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
8 of 16
Inner-thigh bloodsucking is better than oral sex. Or, so we've heard.

Photo: Courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO.
9 of 16
Biting counts as cheating!

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
10 of 16
If a very hot Nordic man suddenly becomes Mr. Sensitive, he is likely to be a virile sex machine who'll eventually forget that you ever hooked up in the first place.

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
Advertisement
11 of 16
Lady vampires don't get their periods, but would very much like to get in on yours.

Photo: Courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO.
12 of 16
Gender ain't no thang when you're more worried about species.

Photo: Courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO.
13 of 16
Everyone has been with Jason Stackhouse.

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
14 of 16
If you're too shy to use dirty talk, start out calling everyone "hooker." (Or "sex worker" if you like it P.C.).

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
15 of 16
Sexy nighttime dressing doesn't have to mean wearing a negligee.

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
16 of 16
If you're into tying people up, make sure to check for allergies first.

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
Advertisement