The Sartorialist Is Kind Of Ruining Christmas For Us

sartorialist
Scott Schuman is a man of many talents. He's an impressive photographer, an excellent stylist, and probably not a bad boyfriend (if you're Garance Doré), either. But, if interviews and word on the street are to be believed, he's not exactly...kind and gentle.
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Known for pretentious statements and borderline-offensive comments, the man behind The Sartorialist has as many haters as he has die-hard fans. Usually his more ridiculous moments come to us via hearsay. But, the latest installment in the Really, dude? series is happening right on his very own site. A new column entitled "Secret Santa @ The Sartorialist" has Schuman's assistant, Justin, posting his gift ideas for his boss online — complete with commentary from said boss. And, three times out of three, his Lordship has been most displeased.
Under the pretense of having "accidentally" spotted the draft, Schuman jumps in at the tail end to inform readers that no, he will not be accepting Justin's thoughtful gift. You'd think that someone who probably owns several warehouses of understated three-piece suits would enjoy such old-fashioned frippery as a special wax for his Barbour coat, or a beaver brush for shaving, or a dashing, leather-clad flask. But no.
To Justin's tender first recommendation of Barbour Thornproof Dressing, the Grinch Schuman replied:
"Hey Justin, I saw this post in draft and just wanted to say thank you very much, very nice of you, a very thoughtful gift. However, if you think I'm going to take four hours on a weekend to rub this stuff all over my coat you're crazy!" Forgive us, but we suspect it would probably be Justin doing the coat-rubbing, anyways.
And on the subject of the F.S.C. Barber Horn Shave Brush:
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"Sorry Justin, I peeked at the draft again. I love the idea, thank you very much. I see these all over the place and I think it's one of the most beautioful (sic) objects available to men today. However, to use it to its full potential, I feel like I'd have to grow some 1864 handlebar mustache and mutton chops. And if you remember my Nirvana goatee or '94, then you'll know that's not a good option. I don't want to be a pain, but are there any other options? I promise I won't peek again."
Now that's just a lie. For when another draft appeared offering a lovely J. Crew leather flask, The Sartorialist generously replied:
"Justin, Justin Justin... We've gone out at night before! You know that won't keep my frozen margarita frozen!! I love the look of the flask, but do you think they make it in a thermos model?" Justin, you silly goose!
Maybe we're being too hard on him. We get that this is a joke. But, it's just that Schuman seems like exactly the kind of guy who would love these relatively unnecessary, but still beautiful, items. Our advice, Justin: Maybe just take him out for a nice dinner at Guy's American Kitchen and Bar. It's in this cool little neighborhood called Times Square; he's gonna love it.
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