As you may have heard through news reports, New-Age blogs, and John Cusack movies, tomorrow night marks the end of the Mayan calendar, and, therefore, the end of the world. Sure, physicists, geologists, and astrophysicists as well as historians, anthropologists, and other accredited experts in Mayan culture tell that all this apocalyptic talk is nothing more than a gross, somewhat insulting misunderstanding of the Mesoamerican civilization's calendar, religion, and actual beliefs — but when have they ever been right about anything? Nope, bloggers say the end is nigh and they know the real score.
Even so, we're not sad. Far from it. See, we figure us humans have had a good run. Just look at all we've accomplished in a mere 50,000 years — the written word, the Great Wall of China, Mozart's Le nozze di Figaro, sandwiches. So, rather than weeping, we're applauding as the (faux) curtain closes on humanity's final act. Indeed, our staff is embracing the apocalypse with dance marathons, intellectual pursuits, and trips to Disney World.
Click ahead to find out how Team R29 plans to meet oblivion — and then, use the comment section below to tell us what you'll be up to during tomorrow's complete destruction of the earth. Oh, and bye, everybody. It's been real.
Brenna Egan, Los Angeles editor
"I'm actually writing this from afar, as I decided to blow off work early (sorry guys!) and rave my way into a Mayan grave...quite literally. Even though Crosby, Stills & Nash is normally more my steez, I booked my ticket to Quintana Roo for the Day Zero Festival
to get weird to electronica alongside complete strangers. I mean, who needs friends and family in your final minutes when you can just catch them on the flipside? The venue's a never-before-seen pyramid site set between two lakes, so I'm expecting some Indiana Jones
-style effects toward the end. If not, I guess I'll just have a ginormo headache and possibly no job, come Saturday."Photo: Courtesy of The Day Zero Festival.
Connie Wang, global editor
"They say that Walt Disney World is the happiest place on earth (though I might disagree — have you ever been inside a Shake Shack?). So, what better way to spend what's to be my last day on Earth than with my family in good ol' Orlando? Mickey, you're going down with me."
Photo: Kent Phillips/Disney
Lexi Nisita, associate community editor
"Look, I'm not saying I believe in the apocalypse. I'm not saying I've seen Apocalypto 10 times. I'm just saying, you never know. Which is why I'll probably be weeping while I watch the clock, waiting for the relief of 12 a.m., December 22, clutching my confused cat as it struggles to free itself from my grasp. Either that, or I'll be so busy watching 10 episodes of Homeland a day that I'll totally forget about it until it's too late."
Photo: Twentieth Century Fox Corporation
Hank Azarian, marketing strategist
"My girlfriend and I will have our two-year anniversary as the world ends. We joked about this moment two years ago and now that it's here! I can't believe that it's all coming to an end (or, a weekend)! Either way, we're going to have a blast (pun intended). Hopefully I'll awaken to her serene sleeping face when I open my eyes on the morning of December 22...hopefully."
Illustrated by Gabriela Alford
Sejia Rankin, East Coast editorial assistant
"On Friday, I'll be starting my presumably shortened holiday festivities with my boyfriend's family, in Minneapolis, MN. And, if anyone has read the weather report for the area, I'm pretty sure the apocalypse has already started, via unbearable deep freeze...at least in Minnesota. If I survive the plane flight (note to self: On the next Doomsday, stay local), you will find me shivering uncontrollably, with heavily accented 'Oh yaaahs
' as the soundtrack to my demise."Photo: Courtesy of Minneapolis.org
Gina Marinelli, assistant editor
"If Friday really is the last day in history, I might as well go out with a bang. While I attend parties way more often than throw I them, this last bash is completely on me. We'll laugh, we'll drink, and of course, we'll dance ''til the world ends' — that's what Britney would want, right? Everyone's invited. Family, friends, friends of friends, frenemies, you, everyone! And, hey, if tomorrow does comes, we'll have one heck of a photo album to remind us of the greatest night we ever lived."
Photographed by Taylor Jewell
Gabriel Bell, staff writer
"Oddly enough, I'll be watching John Hodgman
talking at the Bell House, discussing not only his final edition of his Complete World Knowledge
, but also the apocalypse itself. I didn't even realize it was for Doomsday when I bought the tickets, which is so
just like me. Hopefully, I'll be able to achieve complete knowledge before the 1,000-foot wave of blood crushes us all
. If not, no matter — they've got craft beers."Painting by Joe Pagac
Annie Tomlin, beauty director
"One word: Iceland. Reykjavik is famous for throwing all-night ragers, and, since the world is ending, we might as well go out with a big-time bang. Throw in the natural drama — northern lights, shimmering-blue glaciers, volcanoes that could erupt at any moment — and there's no better vantage point for watching history roar to a close. Plus, a lot of Icelanders believe that elves are real. If they're right, and elves wind up having the power to stop the apocalypse, it can't hurt to be close by. Also, Iceland has outstanding doughnuts."
Photo: Via Wikipedia Commons
Lauren Caruso, contributing editor
“I’ve already planned to start my last day on earth by polishing off an entire box of Fruit Roll-Ups (the original flavors, duh) and all the burritos I can get my teeth on. At night, I’m celebrating part one of my best friend’s bachelorette party by dancing and drinking well into the evening — or at least until midnight when this whole end-of-the-world thing goes down. Since we’ll never see her 2013 wedding day — and because my friend is marrying her high-school sweetheart of more than a decade later — we may have joked about the bride-to-be having a little too much fun. Sorry, Kyle!”
Photographed by Nick Wolf
Leila Brillson, global news editor
"Survivalism has always fascinated me because the end of the world is dangerous, terrifying, and strips you of everything but the need to survive, which is oddly romantic. But, like so much else in my life, my Ragnarok is going to be totally slapdash — I am entirely unprepared. I don't have running shoes. I haven't learned how to strip and repair a motorcycle. Hell, I can't even brew moonshine. So, when doomsday comes calling, I'm just going to climb up to my roof with a packet of sour gummy worms and a bottle of cheap rosé and watch the whole thing go down. Hey, at least I thought ahead far enough to get a Leatherman."
Photo: Courtesy of Leatherman
Kate Hyatt, producer
"I'll probably start off my Doomsday eating a box of Froot Loops in a luxurious bubble bath. Then, hopefully, I'll hop on a private jet conveniently filled with tons of puppies and co-piloted by Larry David and Shaquille O'Neal, taking me to a remote beach in Thailand. Once I deplane, I'll drink a bee's knees on the beach with a hot dude, take a time-out to Skype my nieces and nephews, then float off into the horizon on a noodle.
P.S., this is a joke...right?"
Alas, Kate, it is not. So, in those few remaining hours left, enjoy your bath, flight, and noodle. As for the rest of you, tell us how you'll spend tomorrow in the comments below. Peace out.
Photo: Courtesy of Kellogg's